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comments
says:
I spend quite a bit of time on Facebook, so let me ask you some things.
Is she writing very long-winded emails back and forth with him? How many 'back-and-forth' messages have occured? Are they still writing emails or have they moved on to wall postings.
From my experience, initial contact with 'an old friend' usually results in about four or five emails (how are you? what have you been up to? etc.)--then it ends. You become 'friends' and for the rest of your Facebook relationship, you just post short messages on your friend's wall.
Continued sending of emails beyond the 'first contact' period should be a cause for suspicion.
I hope this makes sense.
says:
Being happy for her would be way cool and supportive (i would so love a spouse to offer that kind of support). AND dealing with your own feelings of insecurity, AT THE SAME TIME, is just as important (and, that is an inside job -- which you can work on in therapy, and, in sharing time with your spouse like previous commenter said about dating your wife again).
Her excitement and your inner feelings are, technically, two separate things that are interrelated, in a sense. And, you can attend to both without setting up an either-or situation.
Healthy relationships include each party having friends and being excited about other people; and, of course, when one is excited about an ex who knows them well, naturally there might be some invitations to pay attention to feelings -- like you are doing.
Really good signs are that she is OPEN ABOUT HER SHARING ON FACEBOOK with the ex, and, sharing how this is impacting her. She is not trying to hide this or make it secretive, so, THAT IS A GREAT SIGN THAT SHE TRUSTS YOU AND WANTS TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU!
You can support her AND share how it is bringing up in you how her excitement is something that is beautiful and you are wondering how we might add more of that into your marriage, too.
I think your paying attention is important as also we know that sometimes online intimacy can feel more easy than in-person stuff, and, it is okay to remain aware of how this is impacting your current feelings towards your wife.
You are really in-tune to be so honest with yourself; allow yourself some explorations that strengthen your inner life (therapy, meditation group, creating special times with your wife...)
JB
says: I would talk to your wife more. Notice if she enjoys it. It would be very good for your marriage that you do connect emotionally. Ideally she would stop the chat with someone else and prefer to confide in you. Why don t you give it a go to be open and say how you feel about her and the ex chatting.
says:
What are you worried about? If the relationship is over, then its over. Is you wife the person you want to be with? Are you the person she wants to be with?
Just because you are married doesn't mean that the marriage was the right choice for the long haul. Are you truly grateful that she is in your life at this moment? Do you thank her often for making you a better more complete person? If the answers to those questions are no, and they are no because you don't feel that way, then I think your feeling dread at the idea of leaving the marriage behind.
says: I think you need to trust your feelings of insecurity and use this as a chance to get closer to your wife. Get help for yourself. Learn to connect and show your feelings. Start dating her again. Do the things that you did when you fell in love. Don't just let this happen. If you are insecure, you have a good reason to be.