Hi All, I dont know if this is the place to post but I need to talk to someone
I admit it I am not having a great day, now I have been saying to myself that I'm having a great day, but today I found out things about my xhusband that have rattled the negative to rise up in me.
first off xhusband left 14 months ogo to sort himself out yeh right I get told I dont want a wife I want a friend I might be back in a week or a month yeh right, I also get told that after 15yrs of being together that he was using me for his agrophobia which now suddenly has disapeared.
Then I find out after he left he was having a affair for 6 months b/4 he left me now they are still together which would make that they have been together for 20 months.
So in the last 14 months I lost my husband to another woman and I lost my sister she died last September now I will admit I have not grieved her death because the marriage thing has had me all twisted up inside and I could not deal with anymore at the present time.
And to top it off my xhusband took any assets that we had I am having a battle getting a lawyer to help me.
Well today I find out that the xhusband and the other woman are planning to get married and she is pregnant now, well it took him 10 yrs b/4 we got married it takes 20 months for him to want marry her, he never wanted kids to me and wulah lo and behold she is pregnant and they are living the life of luxury with the assets that we had and I am wondering how I am paying the next bill.
Okay I am feeling down at the moment one has had enough of things getting thrown at me that are not in my control gees I sound like a victim here I know there are lessons in this to learn and she did me a favour by stealing my xhusband as he is obviously a cheat once a cheat always a cheat.
I am saying this because I really need to vent to someone please no more sad unhappy events to be thrown my way anymore,
I have had enough of the sadness and I am feeling really angry when I look back at the way my xhusband treated me it was hard to get money off him, go out anywhere with him, I did all the housework, I got complaints constantly, I did not do anything right it could be what I cooked, what I said, how I said it, he did not like my family or friends, so on and on and this woman is being treat like a princess I was there for him when he had his agrophobia and now that is gone she gets him Why ? I was supposed to have the good with the bad not the bad with the bad.
Geeess I have had enough of unhappiness and life throwing things at me no more, I want happiness now.
I have not even attempted in any way to look for another relationship I knew that if I got into another relationship too soon I would probably end up with another sod of a man who is horrible and thus I am here in tools working on my self esteem that was at rock bottom 14 months ago I could not even look in the mirror at myself I hated everything about myself and I could not look anyone else in the eyes I can do that now.
I am learning to love myself and will love myself b/4 I go attempting another relationship so I know I will be in a happy relationship, but gees it gets lonely sometimes, after work I go swimming and then I come home to an empty house and no-one to share stories with just me and me.
I do need to say though that I have come along way since my xhusband walked out the door I achieved so much in the last 14 months that I have wanted to do like learning to swim, lost weight, I have swimming shoulders now they are wide I do 70 laps, learning to ride a horse, been to the dentist now that was a fear I had been holding onto for a long time and I overcome it.
On the otherside of things I want to move out of the house I live in too many memories and not enough money to move at the moment and I cant decide where to move to, I want to stay close to my family.
I want to change my job the same thing every day for the last 12 yrs. The one area I do want to move to is near where my xhusband lives which away from the busy suburbia mmmm but who wants to run into him I have not seen him since he walked out the door 14 months ago and I dont want to see him after leaving me with the bills, lying, cheating, taking all the assets and leaving me with nothing, I wont allow myself to have unhealthy relationships just the thought of running into him.
And my sister well how long do you hold out for b/4 you grieve someone that you miss and will not see again I feel selfish not thinking about her and not grieving.
There are negatives and positives
my apologies if this is in the wrong section but I did know where else to post
If I need a rude awakening into life I am getting it and if you want to be frank and honest with me please do so I need someone to talk to
comments
Hang in there!
Thank you for sharing!
As I found out myself in the last couple of years, life can have some nasty twists in it. Along with the nasty, good comes as well, although it may not seem that way right now. Hang in there!
Sending you a hug
You are not alone!
It does sound like you have had a lot of things thrown at you in the last few years. You are doing the right thing. You are coming here to talk with friends. People who have been where you are and can encourage you. The fact that you are here says you have grown. You want your life to be better. You have dreams! Losing weight and learning to swim are great accomplishments! Focus on those. Don't let him get you down. You are better than that! Keep doing what you are doing and remember that you deserve better and are going to get better. Your life is your decision!
Keep logging on!
Lisa
Be thankful he's your X
It takes courage to ask for support. I applaud you for that. You have a wonderful opportunity and are already seeing what you don't want so now you can turn in the other direction to create what you do want.
Use your anger to fuel you toward your dream for a better, happier life.
You have our support!
Wow--you have accomplished a lot!
I am impressed that you have been doing lots of new things. There's no way to go through a grief process (and we grieve lost relationships no matter how awful the person was) without pain. But you are setting up a good life for yourself by taking steps such as doing new things. My guess is that you will take wise steps in the future that will help you to feel much happier than you are now. You really are on the right road and if you don't feel that yet, I hope you know it in your mind.
Carolyn
It's nice to hav people to share this with
I am happy that you found a place to write down your feelings. I think you're right about feeling guilty about the "not grieving" thing because I've been doing it for the past 11 years since my father died. But I try to tell myself, when the time is right I will deal with it my own way and you know little by little we do deal with it, whether we realize it or not. Just admitting it to yourself is one way of dealing with it.
Be strong, your not alone
You seem to be a very nice person. What happens to you is not fun and now you are taking the tools you need to turn the situation for it goes better. You will win a lot in that, that's difficult but you will learn a lot. Your xusbend will loose a lot, he loose the chance to be with someone who take care of him and really love him. Life sometimes do things we dont understand but sometimes it's for better. You will have the opportunity to find someone you REALLY deserve and who deserve you.
Be strong, your not alone.
Hey Karooka
One of the most important things I noticed in your message is that this man is your X! Good for you. You are making strides, it's just hard to see it as a positive right now. He is no longer in the forefront of your life, so quit putting him there. Don't worry about what he does or doesn't have. (Even if you feel that what he has was once yours...it's not true. If it was truly yours, you would still have it.) You are getting an opportunity to start over...and better yet...you can finally make your life about you, your dreams, and what you want!
I bet when you said "I do" before you weren't dreaming of someone who lies to you, cheats on you, hides life from you, deprives you of financial gain of your own, doesn't share what he has with you, and runs you down at every turn. This type of behavior doesn't come from a hero, it comes from a coward. Well, it's in the past now. It's done. Thank goodness!
Once you get specifically clear on what it is that you want for you in this life...I mean really want...you will actually be able to gain these things by your own creation; and it may prove to be because you are free of the entanglement that your non-functioning marriage was bringing.
Let by-gones by by-gones. Keep logging in. I'm proud of you for asking for help. You do have a society out here who cares for you.
lifes challenges
Thankyou everyone for support, kind words and positive advice I really appreciate it.
I know everything will get better sometimes when reality hits you hard that is when you wake up and learn from it.
Everything takes time and I need to have patience and to take one day at a time yesterday was a shock to me and as time goes on this matter will all be in the past and I will be happier than I have ever known though today I am a lot happier I made sure I kept smiling all day and I went to swimming did my laps which does wonders for the body, mind and soul especially swimming it is so relaxing.
I came up with some affirmations to keep saying to myself last night when I went to bed and I kept saying them to myself all day today.
1- I am too worthy to waste my time and life on this selfish man.
2- I love myself, I believe in myself, I accept myself, I am worthy, I am my best friend, I trust in myself - when I went swimming tonight after work I kept thinking the nu 2 affirmations over and over constantly while I did 62 laps in 45 mins,
whilst swimming is a great time to think about afffirmations no-one can interupt you and you are on your own.
When I found out 14 months ago that my xhusband was having affair I was very angry to say the least and I said to myself do something you enjoy and that is when I started to swim and what I did was swim away the anger, everyday after work I swam and after a couple of months I realised how much better I felt in my body and how much fitter i was and I kept going swimmiing and then I realised that I could turn the angry thoughts into positive thoughts about myself and think the positive thoughts whilst swimming and I think this what got me through the drama at the time now I am fit and gees feel it and I just want to keep going back to feel even better.
Though I noticed more so today we had a new girl at work start and I instantly kept my eye on her and from this I found that I still do not have much trust in people in general,
I kept thinking is she going to tell my boss what I do and is she going to try to take over the office as I am the manager there, is she going to start throwing her weight around and will she tell people what is said in the office ( there is a rule in our office what is said in the office stays in the office)
I gather this has something to do with the xhusband saga mmmm I think I need to keep telling myself that I trust in myself, with all the xhusband saga I have found that trusting people is something I need to learn again.
Thankyou all again for your support