I'm Kaya!

26 years old, holding a fantastic job that I'm blessed to love (most days), and I'm currently attending school for my BS in Environmental Management. 

I'm in a tough spot right now personally.  My relationship is strained due to being the sole provider while my SO finds a new job. We just moved into a great new place, but the finances of doing so set us back a bit, and I'm struggling to catch up. 

School is, well, hard!  Who knew? Hahah...

I love my job, but am not sure that this is the field for me.  It's a moneymaker, but I really want to do service for others every day.  I help people, but I want to change the world!!!

I just found out I have high cholesterol and almost no Vitamin D.  My doctor, while supportive, wasn't exactly encouraging. "You're young", he said - "you have time to fix these things".  That's nice, but I need a serious kick in the pants to get going. Permission to procrastinate is the last thing I need! 

I'm really excited to get started on changing my life to where I wake up in the morning with a smile (as opposed to late and mad as h*ll!). 

I want to see my love and not resent them for the stress I'm under because of our finances. 

I want to look at my body and love it - imperfections and all. 

I want to go to work (one day...) and say "This is where I'm meant to be". 

I want to stop procrastinating and having stage fright when I get ready to write or play music.  I know I have talent - I need motivation to let it out! 

I believe in myself and this program.  I hope I find even a fraction of the success and happiness others here have gained.

Hmm.  The past.  No one's is perfect.  Mine is not exceptional in this regard...

My dad went to jail for selling cocaine when I was one and a half.   My mom had a habit of her own.  I was raised in large part by family members, particularly my aunt and uncle, and my grandparents on my mom's side (they are my light, even after their death).  When I lived with my mom, I was abused by her boyfriends or witnessed her abuse.  I moved a lot.  

School was always very easy for me academically.  I never had to try too hard to get mostly A's.  When the social pressures started hitting, I fell off that wagon in a big way.  My grades started slipping only when I stopped going to class in 9th grade.  I started using drugs of all kinds, convinced I was invincible.  I dropped out at 16, as soon as it was legal. That was mostly due to being ousted by the school population as a "freak", "witch", "greaseball stoner", "dyke", "fat".  I received many death threats.  I just decided a GED would be easier, so I got it as soon as I was eligible.

In the meantime, I met my dad when I was 11.  By 15, we had developed more of a "buddy" relationship than a father/daughter one.  When he offered me crystal meth, I took it.  A lot of it.  And he bought me as much as I wanted the entire summer I stayed with him.  Then the abuse happened (I'd say started, but he may well have been capable of that when I was a baby too, given the nature of it all.  And I'm pretty sure knowingly addicting a child to meth is abuse.).  That shattered my universe.  I went home to my mother's house weighing 60 pounds less (in 3 months. I was psyched, but NOT healthy at all), a bit insane from having a speeding brain and no food for a summer, and more bad habits than I'd ever had combined.

I lasted about a month back home until I ran away at 15.  My little brother was 2.  I still wish it could have been different.  I started into relationships with older men who controlled and abused me.  They changed my life in a lot of ways, not all of them bad.  But I didn't know how bad it really was for a long, long time.

I still don't know what I'm doing in the love department - but I will never let myself be stifled or abused ever again.  This much I've managed to fix.  ;-)  I'm also happy to report that my mother and I now have a much better relationship, and frug abuse is long a thing of the past for both of us.

I kind of woke up one day - the day a big company decided to give me a chance.  I took it as a sign that it was time for a better life.  From $6 an hour to 40k a year.  I bought suits, cut my hair, learned how to look like a professional, and use all of my smarts and skills to do the best I could.  It worked!  Three years later, I am with the same company, making more money, and secure.  I still struggle financially, but I know I'll eat tomorrow.  I even took off work for 10 months to volunteer with AmeriCorps, and managed to get my job back!

I still have a lot to work on - but my past proves to me that I am tough, smart, and able to change my life!  GO ME!!! 

I am deeply in love with my wonderful and beautiful partner.

I wake up happy and ready to go - ON TIME!!!

I love my body, and like the person I see in the mirror.

I am healthy - mentally, physically and spiritually.

I love my career, and am making a difference in the world.

I am a performer - giving my best all the time, and being brave enough to show what I am really capable of.  I am not afraid that to shine will blind others, or cause them to resent thier own darkness.  That is not my responsibility - I am here to inspire and entertain.

I have a calm spiritual demeanor, and stay positive at all times - even when others can not.

I love my life!