Hi, guest!
Join Now
Login
Password

forgotten your password?

Join Now I'm having a great day? by Kayla
 
Kayla
# # # #

Birth Date: Sun, Nov 29 1959

Place of residence:
Stamford CT, United States (map)

I am: Married

Schools: Two Masters Degrees

Jobs: Administration


Certificates:
     
Tools Program Stats:
Member Since: 05/21/07
Last Login: 12/24/12
Viewed: 109097
Program in:
Program Progress: Day 4
Personal Interests:
Music:
Books:
Favorite Places:
I Want To See:
Hobbies:
Activities:
Sports:
Movies:
TV:
Heroes:
I Want To Meet:
Tools Goal List:

Areas In My Life I Want To Work On

I Want To Quit Or Control

Skills I Am Interested In

Kayla's Life List:
Love my life
Be of service in my life
Be kind, gentle, compassionate, loving and generous to myself, my family and my friends
Live a healthy life
Live a moral and ethical life
Enjoy every day
Accept and work with life on its terms
Meet life's challenges with grace and humor
Let go of fears, worries, resentments, envy, negativity and excuses
Embrace confidence, joy, hope and faith
Surround myself with people I respect and love
Celebrate life with music and dance
Read daily for spiritual, intellectual and emotional benefits
Travel the world and the seven seas
Go on a major bike trip
Enjoy the cultural abundance of my city
Embrace nature
Enjoy the abundance of cooking, sharing and eating sumptuous, lovely, tasty, spicy food
Celebrate life with friends
Be positive
Be responsible
Be expansive
Wear comfortable, interesting clothing and jewelry
Be comfortable and comforting
Seek to understand rather than to be understood
Be quiet and peaceful within myself
Contribute to conversations without dominating
Be totally open to learning from others and from experience
Be willing to take fearless risks
Go hang gliding.
Write and be published
Have tremendous flexibility in my work
Be free from economic insecurity
Declutter home.
Make my home a beautiful haven.
Balance city and country life.
Travel to Canada, Greece, Israel, Finland, Russia, Ireland, Wales, China, Germany, Holland, Denmark again.
Travel to Thailand, Japan, New Zealand, Australia, Guinea, Mali, Mozambique, Turkey, Croatia, Macedonia, Prague, Italy, Ecuador, Costa Rica, Brazil,
Travel cross-country, along country roads.
Play the saxophone.
Learn a new language - Arabic? Bangla?
Take my son to India.
Eat delicious, healthy food.
Get into the best physical condition possible.
Own a country home with a barn where we can hold dances.
Own a country home where fruit trees and berry bushes grow.

Info

 
 
I'm having a great day?

 

 

1
cheers
cheer it
Kayla

  Kayla

Fri, Jun 08 12:00 AM

I'm having a great day?

 

I've been wondering how long I could hold on to feeling so positive, excited, enthusiastic, before what I used to consider "reality" hit.  My former reality was living in a chaotic, anxious, unbalanced state of perpetual workaholic motion. 

Well, I think I started experiencing some rebound, regressive thoughts, feelings and behaviors yesterday.  I was, and am thrilled that I seem to be on the path to my vision work. At the same time, though, many of my old patterns and  resurfaced:

Excuse:

I was so buzzed after my interview, I decided I wanted to take a long walk.  My high heels were way too uncomfortable...

Self-indulgent, self- sabotaging behavior -  

I stopped in a shoe store and bought a pair of $30.00 sandals, knowing that we really don't have the spare money right now.

Excuse/Complaint: My feet were killing me

Self-indulgent/sabotaging behavior -

I stopped in a Qi Gong outlet and spent $44.00 on foot bath and reflexology.

Excuse/Complaint: I'm exhausted from the interview

Self-sabotaging behaviors: Ordering take-out

food - $21.00, not doing my 5-10 minutes of decluttering, not going for my bike ride.

Fear: What if I'm kidding myself? Maybe I'm still not well enough to take on such a major position with such responsibility (I will be earning six figures...). What if I spin out? What if I can't handle it?  If I was that tuckered out by just interviewing, how will I be able to manage the work?

It's not that buying a pair of shoes or getting a massage is self-destructive, but doing so in the context of knowing you do not have any money to spare beyond basic expenses until you have a job, when your vision includes being financially secure and when you already impulsively spent $50.00 you didn't have the day before on a haircut you don't even like ... 

Today is a new day.  I can forgive myself for yesterday and learn from it.  In truth, my tiredness was very real.  Two ER visits over last weekend took their toll.  And, my issue with sleep is not that I can't fall asleep, I can't stay asleep.  And I really don't function well without enough sleep.

It's not yet 7 a.m. today and I'm already fried.  I had a very restless night's sleep mulling over what this new job would entail - not with anxiety, but with intellectual curiosity, which is a step in the right direction, but I just couldn't turn off my mind.

I did manage to use the Tools yesterday to challenge my fears and determine that I am healthy enough and capable enough to manage in this job.  And I have the support I need to do this job and maintain balance in my life.  If only I am able to get enough sleep!

Funny that Day 17 addresses this very issue.  I have to admit, I am really resistant to doing the muscle technique.  Have tried it without success many times. I do have bedtime rituals already. Falling asleep isn't the issue, it's staying asleep.  Perhaps the affirmations will help keep me asleep.

I will blog again when I know what's happening after today's lunch with my potential boss... 

Oh yeah.  I'm having a great day! The world is mine. I'm grateful to be alive and well, if tired.

 

 

 

 

This post is cheered by:



 

comments

The day is yours.

I'm here to help I'm here to help

This is how I see it.........

Kayla, I prefer to look at this as getting a head start on celebrating your new job!!  Which I believe you are going to get.  (Even if you don't it won't be the end of the world, and you can handle that).

 

The muscle relaxation does not work for everybody, after all we are each unique. 

 

I have found that deep-breathing helps me when my head is pumped full of stuff. 

 

The breathing technique where you get really comfortable, preferably in bed (I lie on my back when I'm doing these in bed), but it works in a chair, take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for a few seconds, then blow it out your mouth just like you are blowing out a candle. (with a little force)  Concentrate on the breathing, how the air feels coming into your body, how the rest of your body is feeling, all the physical things caused by your breathing. Try and clear your head of anything except the act of breathing. 

 

I usually can't do more than 5 or 6 and I am MELLOW, calmed and centered.  If not, I keep on doing them until I either feel better or pass out....you know all that oxygen to the brain.  LOL

 

There are other things to try; some sleepy time tea, a soothing bath if you like those, soft and low gentle music, or one of my favorites is to write everything down in my journal, all the feeling, thoughts, hopes, fears, all of it, then close the book.  Somehow getting it out of my head and down on paper helps me to let go of it, which helps with the mouse-on-a-wheel feeling.

 

Be patient and be kind to yourself, you have been through more than any one person should have to bear. 

 

Kayla,  it is only natural to have jitters about a new job and to have doubts about your ability to perform it. Those are all normal feelings.  And I'm glad you were able to work through them. 

 

We'll all celebrate big time with you when you land that job!! 

 

Beverly

 

 

Sending you lots of love Sending you lots of love