day 26

 this is not a day i want to record. but i guess all experiences are knowledge and knowledge is good. i'm getting used to the idea of transferring from my current work location to another. and it seem fickle to have been upset over getting what i wanted.  but i sure didn't like the "how" of it.  but that was not in my control. i tried to to do my tools this morning and i just couldn't get into it at all.  i wanted to, and i knew i needed to. but i didn't. i got only as far as the audio and reset my clock and went back to bed for an hour. i delved terribly close to depression over this whole work thing. at my job, i was able to keep my attitude where i wanted it and i still performed my duties with professionlism.  but when it came to dealing with a member of management, the one i've lost every ounce of respect for with no hope of repairing the relationship, i almost lost it. i could have handled things better. i still have to get through tomorrow and the current news is i may have to wait another week.  this seems like an eternity. but to make the plan work  i have to be professional and do as coach states.  it's a job, and i have a life elsewhere. one that doesn't need to be affected by someone i allow to influence me in a negative way. so i no longer will allow that to happen.   it was a sad realization that someone i considered a friend, may have to be cut from my line of communication. a previous boss, whom i stay in touch with, had nothing but all the negative inputs. all the "i told ya so's   and you shoulda quit a long time ago like i told ya"  he even went to so far as to tell me how a couple of my bosses hate me and will do anything to sabotage me.  so my previous habits want to rise to the surface and be angry and say  "yes i know they're out to get me"  but that's not what happened.  i sat in my car listening to this man berate my job and bosses and spew such negative thoughts and statements out to me, and i realized.  i can no longer talk to this man. regardless of whether there is any truth in what he says,  i cannot be subjected to this barage of negativity.  and it's very sad. i can't believe he means any harm,  but that is exactly what it is.  everyone else i spoke to or wrote to in my life, including those here at tools, all said almost the same things.  this could be a blessing, and to take the move and run with it.  so sad, to have a friend that i will have to limit my contact with to an exteme level in order to protect myself.  so yes,  i may not have wanted to record this day,  as it's been sad and discouraging in some ways.  but my tools, my friends and my family, have bound together to pull me up. i may not sound it,  but i am positive about life and what is happening.

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Tags: tools, discourgement, Support