So I'm still having trouble getting in and doing my tools everyday. I know that I should, but I find that it's usually when I'm overwhelmed with what I haven't done. I have to admit that I haven't been following the checklist everyday. I try to, but I don't look at it so I know I miss some of the points... key elements. Then I find myself taking three days to do one day of TOOLS so that I can get back on track and fully absorb what I've learned thus far. In my mind I know that this is not a good way to do it... it's actually an excuse. However, knowing that sometimes leads to be beating myself up for it (something I've been all to good at in the past). I will say that I feel like I'm too busy some days to get in and do TOOLS. I know I need to make time for it, but that said, the things that are keeping me so busy are the extra activities that I'm doing these days. I'm working in the garden (daily exercise!) and playing more with my kids (more exercise). I'm getting a lot of things done around the house.
My step daughter is coming to stay for a month and we have a WHOLE LOT of work to get done in preparation for that. We converted her room into the baby's room when I had my second child. We left my step daughter's bed set up in that room thinking that the two could "share" the room when she comes to visit. But now I find myself really struggling with the entire arrangement. How to give her a space without undoing all the routines we have in place (bedtime routines in particular)? It's really important to me that she feel welcome in our house. I do not want her to feel like because her dad and I have two kids together that she doesn't belong. I want her to feel welcome anytime! Because of that I'm trying so desperately to make a space for her that will feel like her own. My husband just keeps telling me that she needs to understand that things have changed. That bristles my skin because it's the very thing I want her to NOT feel. Of course things have changed, but she needs to know that what will NEVER change is that her dad and I love her dearly. She will always be a vital part of our family! Anyway... I suspect that the struggles are largely because of my desire to be perfect and make everything perfect. I know that I need to relax and do my best to prepare things for her visit and then take the rest as it comes - one step at a time. So that's what I'm focusing on now... getting the girls' room ready for them and getting the rest of the house ready for an extra person. In addition, I'm having to prepare myself for the visit. I'm going to have to be extra vigilant during that month to carve out some time for me.... something I already struggle with, but something that is so important for my mental health!
Anyway... this blog entry took a slight turn from it's original intent, but I guess it's what I needed to put out there. Thanks for taking time to listen!
Your doing great and your doing the program the way you feel you should, but.... You are definitely making up excuses as to why you are not doing the program daily. Dont beat yourself up over it, just change it. You KNOW the program is helping, and that it is having a positive effect on your life, so just do it!! Set aside 30 minutes a day to do it, you KNOW that you will feel better for doing it!! You say that you know in your mind that it is the wrong way to do it, well that is your inner voice saying that, and you know what we are supposed to do with that little fella right?? We are supposed to listen to it!! More times then not, our inner voice is 100% correct, but we choose to ignore it, even though we know that it is the correct answer/advice. You may be super busy right now, and we all get like that, but if we do not allow ourselves a little "Me" time everyday then that can have horrible side effects on or positivity and our attitude. So you know you should be doing it, so just do it!!
As for your step daughters room, get it ready to a point. If you want her to feel welcome and to have her feel like her space is her own then once she is there spend some time with her decorating it, or arranging it how she wants it. You can beat yourself up over trying to make it perfect for her, but she is the only one that can make it perfect. All you need to do for her is welcome her with open arms and be there for her. The rest will fall into place!!
OK, so I was just going to say that I personally don't feel anyone must do tools EVERY day to do it "correctly." I don't work out every day, but I am an exerciser. I don't skate every day, but I am a skater. I don't do tools every day, but I am a tooler. I just don't think there's any need to feel bad or that you are making excuses if you don't log in and "tool" every day.
I listen to my tapes every day, check the checklist every day, but if I don't get to the lesson, I'm totally ok with it.
so that's just my thought. A different perspective than forbish07 above me :) but hey, all thoughts are helpful for different perspectives on a certain thing, true?
I guess it actually came across a little differently then I meant, that is more what I was saying. You dont have to do it everyday, and you shouldn't feel bad about it, either. I was simply stating that you dont need to make up excuses for not doing it, life happens as we all know!! BUT, if you are trying to do it everyday and you WANT to do it everyday then just do it, no excuses!!
You and only you knows what is truly best for YOU!! Just listen to your inner voice, it will guide you through!!
This is tricky, and not knowing the ages, situation, etc, I'm just throwing this out there, hoping it'll be helpful. Maybe your step daughter will actually really like sharing the room with your child. If she doesn't get to visit very often, this may be precious bonding time for the siblings....Granted, I know most kids who have to share a room don't feel that way, especially at the time, but I would've killed to have had a younger sibling to have to put up with when I was a child...Again, if she had her own space, she may love it and feel welcome, but will she retreat there and have even less contact with her sibling? I think this is one of those problems, that actually could have a good outcome either way. (Easy said from 100s of miles away from the situation!) If stepdaughter is old enough, I'm sure explaining things will go the furthest in helping the situation, with respect to having to share and understanding the family routines. (She's part of the family, so she gets to participate in the routines!) Enjoy your time having your whole family together!