My has life changed over the past year. I have "found me". I have "gained me" back. I "am" once again and I will continue to "be".
Its the middle of the night on my night off and I am finally able to work on tools a little. After clicking "FINISHED"on day 81, I reflect a few moments on the progress as I watch the clock tick away... I think to myself, "Still I wait". [ My thoughts continued to wander as I wrote this blog... one thing leading to another.... First, titled ... "still I wait", but my blog took a turn, then a twist... Im stuck... searching for its title].
I remember how I searched for help prior to 2/23/08, the frantic feeling of knowing I was sinking to depths I didnt want to revisit. How I "found" tools... thru prayer for some help... ANY help... anything that would offer relief from my anguish.
I remember how I worked through day 1, clicked finished... and waited with curiosity what would happen next. Then day 2 clicking finished and watching the clock tick-tock, tick-tock... and over the next several weeks, waking up, rolling over, stopping whatever I was doing 15 hours and 55 minutes later so that I would be there when the 16 hour clock rolled over and I could work through yet another day, hungry for the help, hungry for the tools.
Still I wait... Ever so patiently now. It may be another week before I can get on the site again to work through my tools. Nonetheless I will be back. I will work another day after the clock runs out its 16 hour course. I will continue on this journey as it has been worth it to me!
How much is it worth?
I am fortunate that I found the site when I did. I wonder how many others have found it when they needed it. I wonder how many People were in worse shape than me have found it and it saved them?
How I wish a childhood friend's younger sister, a single mom, had found this site prior to last weekend... when she took her own life and left her little 7 year old girl behind.
Could she have worked through her anquish with tools? Probably...
Im the lucky one... I have "found me". I have "gained me" back. I "am" once again and I will continue to "be".
Time... Fate... Tools.... All in the hands of the MOST SUPREME... Still, I wait...