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    <title>toolstolife.com - </title>
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    <link>http://toolstolife.com//</link>
    <description>toolstolife.com - </description>
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    <title>hanging</title>
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       http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23663/
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      <![CDATA[Haven&#39;t blogged in a while I have been hanging in there I could not handle the quiting cigarettes I bought a pack 6 days ago I haven&#39;t smoke the whole pack yet but close they are not really tasting that good to&nbsp;me and I feel like shit so I am going to try again this week I will not be buying another pack. I am trying not to beat myself up to much over it just try try again.<br /><a href="http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23663/">read more...</a>]]>
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    <pubDate>2010-03-06 12:38:38 GMT</pubDate>
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        http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23663/
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    <title>monster</title>
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       http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23471/
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      <![CDATA[So quiting smoking makes people short tempered and irritable. I have to say that is so true I have turned into a monster I have been raging so bad my poor husband I have said sorry so many times to him this past week my anger has been out of control over stupid shit. I even raged at these two young black men up at the place where I shop for groceries. they had a pit bull puppy very young and he had 3lbs or chain around his neck as well as a paddle lock I know when anyone does that to a pit they are strengthening them up for fighting and they were in the store when i walked by= the pup was so cute I stopped to pet him and love on him when they came out of the phone store yelling at me to leave the pup alone because they did not want him to know&nbsp; kindness. I went went snap off on them The owner of the dog threatened me and I did not even hear him I just told him what an idiot he was and how he should have to endure what that great little dog was going to endure in his life . I&nbsp; threaten to take the pup and he said he would hurt me in a bad way you know I did not care we were getting loud and a cop drove by and they got real quite and grabbed the pup and left. I cried for that puppy. I really think if I had a gun I would have shot that ass in the leg or knee. I&nbsp; bummed a couple of smokes from someone and smoked them I feel like a failure but I got the patches&nbsp; now and will try again I did not expect it to be this hard or for my emotions to go haywire like that<br /><a href="http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23471/">read more...</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>2010-02-23 09:58:03 GMT</pubDate>
  	<guid isPermaLink="true">
        http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23471/
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    <title>Back Home</title>
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       http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23450/
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      <![CDATA[Hello I have been gone a while I was sick and I had to go back to Oregon to see my Doctors I have Lupus and it sucks but I am feeling better. and I want to thank you all for the kind words of encouragement it really helped.&nbsp;I want to move back there so bad I miss it Las Vegas&nbsp; is no place to live if you do not have a high paying job or something to ground you like family or at least a low paying job you love. I am so ready and finally my husband has spoken those same words as well.&nbsp;I have alot of shit pent up in me right now but I just wanted to get this down before I head out. I am going to blog again tonight after all my stuff is done. I have so much to tell I raged at so many people this last week even a couple of young gang bangers who had pit bull puppies with them at the park they were so cute 2 of them maybe 4 months old and they had 5 lbs of big chain wrapped arounf their necks with a big metal paddle lock on them and the only reason they do that is to build up ther strenghth to fight them oh shit I lost it on both of them but I will tell all tonight.<br /><a href="http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23450/">read more...</a>]]>
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    <pubDate>2010-02-22 08:37:36 GMT</pubDate>
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        http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23450/
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    <title>smashing my head through a wall</title>
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       http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23284/
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      <![CDATA[Yea its been a while isnce i last blogged time flies when your sick I have been really sick i hate it ,it had really been depressing I so wanted to start feeling better by now&nbsp; but at least I am not smoking anywmore I officially quit and that should be something to celebrate but I don&quot;t feel much like celebrating anything. I guess its just that I am sick and yucky and want to be feeling good and have lots of energy I wonder if I will ever get there. Welcome to my doomy gloomy blog I really was not going to get on here today because I feel like smashing my head through a wall.&nbsp; I hate feeling this bad and really I just want want to go back to bed so... I just thought I would share my misery with you all.&nbsp; If your feeling like you kind of want to die your doing alot better than me right now:(<br /><a href="http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23284/">read more...</a>]]>
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    <pubDate>2010-02-11 07:43:47 GMT</pubDate>
  	<guid isPermaLink="true">
        http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23284/
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    <title>oh me oh my</title>
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       http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23165/
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      <![CDATA[I am working tomorrow I am only working 2 days a week now so I actually look forward to it although I did not acomplish anything this week well I am still doing my thing and that in its self is amazing. I have been 2 days without a smoke as well and I think my suck meter&nbsp;is of the charts I am using the patch but what do you do with your hands I got a bag of mints they help,I know I am trying to do alot but when i get hard headed&nbsp;I get things done at least its a positve thing this time, in the past i have used my drive to self destruct my husband calls the vioces in my head the committee I call them the itty bitty&nbsp;shitty committee. But I have had them under control well the meds seem to be working either way its easier&nbsp;with out them in my head. I was&nbsp; a wild child thats for sure&nbsp; and I&nbsp;think I suffered mentall probs I take full responsability fot the stuff I did and i did all to myself i just don&#39;t think normal people do the crazy stuff I did. anyway i have slowly been changing for the better and this is just the last leg of the major stuff I think I will always be a work in progress as we all are but I may have had to gain all this wieght and sunk into the pit of depression to be able to dig myself out. Its just a thought.<br /><a href="http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23165/">read more...</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>2010-02-04 21:47:10 GMT</pubDate>
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        http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23165/
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    <title>still on track</title>
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       http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23128/
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      <![CDATA[Haven&#39;t blogged in a few days but I am still on track I realize&nbsp; this is not a fast process while all the big people I know are getting gastric bypass or most of them are lap banding I know 6 people who are doing the band that seems like alot to me I mean I move every 1-3 years so I do not even know that many people thats like over half the people I know. Anyway I wish I could really I do but I am so poor we are really fraking broke. Anything I want to do that cost money has to be saved for becuase we made the desicion to never get another credit card. sounds like no big deal right but when your used to them and living on a strictly cash basis&nbsp;in this society and time is a bitch! Well it is hard&nbsp;, once we get our bills payed off and I get my hours back at work maybe I could get the band but I plan on not needing it by then I have lost 11lbs I do not feel it or even see it but my scales says it so I will take what I can. I am not wieghing every day do it every 2 weeks. I will admit I am taking some India de la nuit and it seems to be helping but like all natural product you have to do the work and I am lazy but I want this so bad. Well thats all I have to say about that. Have a great day to all.<br /><a href="http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23128/">read more...</a>]]>
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    <pubDate>2010-02-03 08:36:28 GMT</pubDate>
  	<guid isPermaLink="true">
        http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23128/
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    <title>quik blog</title>
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       http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23046/
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      <![CDATA[I haven&#39;y blogged in a coulple of days busy working and after work I am done&nbsp; I walk and thats it I got nothing else this sucks but I know it will get better I have been eating so much better still in control there. I slipped&nbsp; and went to the casino last night left before I spent to much money actually left with 20 more than I went with. Really need to try and stay away from that place when your a local in vegas you should not gamble. I do not know where this came from I lived here a year and did not have a prob or even care to go gamble. Anyway just wanted to leave a quicky this morning I have a week off from work. I have to try and stay busy. Blog you tomorrow.<br /><a href="http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23046/">read more...</a>]]>
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    <pubDate>2010-01-30 07:48:37 GMT</pubDate>
  	<guid isPermaLink="true">
        http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23046/
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    <title>I acknowledge my victory over drugs</title>
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       http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23009/
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      <![CDATA[I have been down on myself for so long now that I never really give myself due credit for the major hurdles I have overcome and I was a horrible junkie and thought i would never be anything else, resigned myself to that life until death that i hoped would be soon. I have a long way to go to&nbsp; mental health and loving myself&nbsp; but I am really making the effort. I think I love myself but I also think I am just faking it&nbsp; at the moment but as long as I am still in action to change, that in itself is amazing for me, I am off drugs for 4 years and trying to redeem myself of all the bad I have done. Today I pat myself on the back for all my work to get here. <br /><a href="http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23009/">read more...</a>]]>
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    <pubDate>2010-01-28 19:36:14 GMT</pubDate>
  	<guid isPermaLink="true">
        http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/23009/
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    <title>no energy</title>
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       http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/22973/
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      <![CDATA[I went to work yesterday&nbsp; I woke up and felt a bit sore from walking&nbsp;3 miles I am not used to doing so. I wanted to wallk another 3 miles but really could not get the motivation to do knowing I had to work. I ate my dried friut skipped the tart berries and had a chix sandwich and a cup of chips and apple and more dried nuts and fruit. I broke down and ate 1 cookie my husband brought them home and after I ate one I wanted to go back and eat a whole lot more but didn&#39;t I learned that you just or I just can&#39;t have one. Well you know I am&nbsp; hating this lack of&nbsp;energy I feel like everything is a struggle&nbsp;I am on my feet at work for 5-8 hours a day and I do no do really heavy duty work by any means but to me it feels like it I yawn alot and struggle&nbsp;&nbsp;through the fatigue&nbsp;every day of work I am so tired of this my body feels so heavy my arms fell like lead and my legs feel even heavier I do not feel good physically. I can&#39;t beleive&nbsp;I have lived like this for the last 7 years. This has got to stop I am really wanting change quickly but I know I need to do this right so it is a permanent change a change for life.<br /><a href="http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/22973/">read more...</a>]]>
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    <pubDate>2010-01-27 09:09:49 GMT</pubDate>
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        http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/22973/
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    <title>Day one</title>
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       http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/22929/
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      <![CDATA[Ok it 6 pm and I am blogging now because I may not be able to later I wieghed in at&nbsp; 285 I am 5&#39;8 and have never been big in my life actually just the opposite becuse of the drugs anyway I woke up ate 1/2 cups of dried fruit and nuts and fresh blue berries boy they were tart I just choked them down. Blueberries are a super foods so I heard. I then walked 3 miles dragging my overwieght Golden retriever behind me. Jak my dog he is going through this with me and he is already rebelling. I went to visit my friend who was hit by a car and made a oriental salad for lunch and a 1/2 chix sandwitch . Came home and ate homade onion rings and corn wierd&nbsp;I know but thats what was here. I am leaving as soon as I am through blogging to take Jake and my rat terrier on another walk shooting for 1 mile as my little dog cannot handle the epic walks it is going to take to reduce my big ass. I do plan on adding to my exercise plan but thats it for today&nbsp;I bought a new book as a starting reward so thats what I am doing after my walk is curling up with my book I wish you all support in you endevors and send love and good energy for all .Lauren<br /><a href="http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/22929/">read more...</a>]]>
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    <pubDate>2010-01-25 18:19:07 GMT</pubDate>
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        http://toolstolife.com/users/Laurenmay/blog/viewpost/22929/
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