jaskdceo:

you go!!!

You can do it, keep going!

Wordsmith:

No No No... You are the One!

In the end, it only matters what you think.  I was fortunate to learn that young. 

Sure, it's great if everyone in the world has a wonderful opinion of you.  What does that matter if you have internalized a low opinion of yourself?  Not a whit!

So what if few others have a wonderful opinion of you?  What does that matter if you know your true value and are surrounded by a small community that shares with you the respect you have for yourself?

Be you.  That's all that matters.

Dabble:

and hey

It is always difficult sharing your real and for true dreams with people.  Often they are not ready to receive them.  Only a true friend is able to cheer you on without pausing for just a moment to be envious, or critical, or perhaps wish that they, too had goals.  Or just dismiss the whole thing.

I guess as I've grown older, I've realized dearest heartfelt dreams are like tiny budgie eggs.  Show them to too many people and they run the risk of being dropped, and also you lose the impetus to work toward them.

And for those that aren't your true friends, showing them gives an opportunity for them to find you lacking if you take longer to achieve them than they think you will, or envy if you do and move ahead of them.

In writing, if I discuss a plot or a phrase with someone before writing it, I lose any interest in it.  So sometimes hidden goals and dreams are the best.   At least until they have grown from that budgie egg to a full-grown Eagle, with talons and independent flight!

That said, I know it's hard not to see yourself through other's eyes - if you see my blog today you can see I am still dealing with that. Yes, you can respect yourself, yes, you can love yourself, but that needs feeding sometimes.

But you can't guarantee anyone's response.  You can guarantee that as you feel more positive and in control of how you view yourself, others will gather to you to bask in the reflected glow. I know this - I've seen it, I experience it on a daily basis.  When you put out your best self, others respond. 

Good luck - you're moving in the right direction!

DA 

Dabble:

feeling conspicuous

Hi again -

Okay, first thing about dating sites - everyone is on them.  I was on them - it's a good way to meet people.  I personally found the one you speak of a bit  depressing because they can never find any matches for me!  I mean, I know I am matchless, but REALLY!

I think Tools will help you. I know you would like a quick answer, but I don't think there is one.  I think what you are describing comes from  inside, not from others outside.  You say you like yourself, and yet you doubt your taste in music, your activities, your reading choices.  You must doubt them, or you wouldn't worry so much about what others are thinking.  So take the time and work through Tools - it will help...

In the meantime, as Autumn Mist always says, Clap, brush, smile. Think about controlling your attitude - having a good one.  Truly that is the only thing within your full control.

And realize everyone around you is probably thinking not about you, but about themselves.  We are all self-centred overall, and whenever you feel uncomfortable, know that there are many around you who feel even more so.

Sometimes it helps to reach out to someone else in the crowd and  comment positively on their choices.....so maybe put your book down from time to time and look to see if anyone else could use YOUR support.

You can do it, keep going!

Wordsmith:

Only your opinion of yourself matters.

Yes, it's true.  Of course you'd like others to have a good opinion of you, but you have no control over how they may think.  Just love and respect yourself.

If you hold a positive opinion of yourself, others will see this and - usually - will also think positively of you.

When I was in my early teens, we moved a lot.  Okay, we moved a lot!  Every time we moved to a new town, I tried very hard to do things that would please the folks I wanted to like me.  I had all the concerns you've described.  It didn't work.

Eventually I gave up.  I decided to just be me and not worry about making people like me.  After all, we'd soon be moving again anyway.

Here's what I learned from that.  The people who were going to like me liked me anyway.  The people who were not going to like me still didn't like me.  Struggling to be someone I was not and to please people made no difference.  People saw right through the pretense and saw the real me.  

Just be yourself and you'll be fine.

You are a star!

lisab:

Replys to comments

Thanks for the comments. I have been using more positive self talk. That is helping alot.

I dont have the problem that i am trying to fit into groups. I see it like this i like what i like. i do what i like and i am different because of that. I dont conform to listening to all the same music as my peers and i dont dress the same as other 20 years olds, and because i am totally aware of this i know people have weird opinions about me in a sence.

For example how many 20 years olds can you say you know that listen to swing music...find me some..so if i cranked it up loud with a house full of 20yr olds i would be looked at as a weirdo.

I think i need to be around more openen minded people. its hard at this age because everyone is still too busy getting drunk and following everyone around like sheep.

And the only way i can find people like me is to stop hideing the real me and not worrying about the people who wont like me because im different.