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lynzie
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Birth Date: Sat, May 11 1985

Place of residence:
Sun Valley NV, United States (map)

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Member Since: 01/04/08
Last Login: 01/25/08
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lynzie

  lynzie

Sat, Jan 05 12:00 AM

Discovery

 

I'm having real trouble thinking positively. It probably has some to do with the fact that my live-in boyfriend is out of town, visiting his family in Texas and I feel so lonely without him.. But I can't blame it on that. I have been thinking negatively my entire life. One day, or one Toolbox lesson isn't going to change that. But I have to start somewhere. And I don't know why I expected it to be easy. I have to come to terms with the simple fact that I am depressed. Even though I was on meds for a while, I don't think I ever really got better. It may have seemed like I did, but looking back at my actions, and how disjointed I felt about things that are important to me like morality, I realize that I was just masking the pain.

And now I'm off my meds. And I do have a very supportive partner, someone close to me that I didn't have before. But I feel like I'm drowning, nonetheless. I don't know what to do or where to turn and every day I just fall deeper into this hole. I'm in real trouble, I think.

I hadn't even realized it before. So I'm a little down, so what? Type of thing. But this is just getting out of hand.

I'm unemployed. I have zero income. My boyfriend supports me. I have been looking for a job since I moved here, about 2 months ago, and haven't found one, though I must admit that I haven't been looking very hard. Christian makes just enough money to be broke by the time bills and groceries are paid for out of each paycheck. I have no insurance. I feel like I have no where to turn. It's not as though I can go to a psychiatrist and try a new med combination, or go to talk therapy, all those things cost money. So I just don't know what to do. But I realize that I've got to do something.

I hope this ToolstoLife program will be that something, but to tell the truth, I am not so sure.

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# Tags: Depression, discovery, thinking positive

 

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Upsydaisie Upsydaisie:

For the Rough Waters

Hi Lynzie, I also take medication for depression. I hate taking them, makes me fat, unpleasant side effects., thinking I can go without them, etc., etc. But I've learned I have to take them as they are, literally, the difference between life and death to me.

 

While the medication may be helpful, the biggest help to me is counselling or therapy. It is not the medication's job to make me happy or make choices in my life that will make my life better so that I won't be depressed. The medication is the raft to keep me afloat so that I can be strong enough to be able to make the real changes that will make a difference in my life.

 

I too, started this program within the last few days. I'm sure it will be a big help should I stick with it. But when you are hurting sometimes it helps to have someone to talk to face to face in addition to the medication.

 

There is community care counselling and psychiatric services available if you have no insurance. I don't work either, but can't imagine where I would be without them.

 

Sending you a hug Sending you a hug

Cathie Cathie:

Hello

Nice to meet you.  You will find a great deal of support and encouragement here.

 

B, L, P, & J,

Cathie