Being Sick is not conducive to success!

I must begin by saying - I ROCKED my lab yesterday!!!!!  I fixed EVERY SINGLE computer with my partner and it went great.  Thank you all for your support!

So YES - begin with the good stuff - and I will end with some good stuff too - but here comes the hard stuff next: 

Well - I am in my third day of feeling like crap although i am most definitely improving and feel that I will be well enough to show up for work tomorrow . . . my food/eating resolve in the evenings these past days SUCKS! 

I posted this to my Support Group (Record What You Eat/Become More Aware) and thought I should just make it part of my blog entry too.  Putting it right out there for everyone to see somehow helps me to see it more objectively -

I am feeling a little of that old "See, you never succeed - there is always something that makes you just be STUPID and ignore that inner voice - why even try?" but I REFUSE to give that my attention!!!! 

 I keep trying to pull myself back to "Hey, it's okay - you are doing great, you are sick, and even though you really shouldn't have eaten it - it won't kill you - just be good NOW and it will all fall back into place - DO NOT jump off that BandWagon!!"

8:00 am - 2 coffees w/Splenda-LFmilk

2:00 pm - 1 low carb tortilla with colby jack

4:30 pm - 1 hot dog with Chili, Cheese, Onions, & Sauerkraut

9:00 pm - 1 Gin Martini/Splash Vermouth/3 onions

10:30pm - 1 Toasted English Muffin with Butter and cinnamon/sugar

10:45pm - 1 Toasted Bagel with Butter and cinnamon/sugar

11:00pm - 1 large can of Water Packed tuna with mayonnaise, relish, dill, & curry

That whole time period starting at 10:30 I ate completely to feel that satisfaction of being STUFFED - I don't know why, I just "couldn't" stop! - I know I could have - but I dont know why my mechanism for positive CHOICE wasn't working - each time I fixed the food - my conscious mind was saying - why are you doing this?  you know you dont want this?  Right NOW you can decide to stop - Just dont keep putting that in the toaster - just throw that in the trash - just STOP STOP STOP....  but I just kept on going and going and going and going like the Energizer Bunny.  DAMMIT

But I started today anew and in my Toolbox was the talk from Coach about the 10 keys to Success (what do you know, just when I needed it) - and I wrote some affirmations and really feel good about them - 

1) I am productive at home -

2) I participate in interesting/fun activities on the weekends -

3) I love myself and I believe in my ability to succeed -

4) I choose to eat delicious fresh and healthy food in appropriate quantities every day -

5) I do not smoke cigarettes 

So I am feeling positive - I refuse to stop seeing the success - I refuse to focus on the negative - I completely believe that I can do this - I have not missed a DAY of TOOLS - I have not missed a DAY of Blogging - I am doing my checklist (except not perfect the last few days/sickness makes motivation waver pretty hard) to the best of my ability and have renewed my committment to the checklist as of THIS MOMENT.

Today is  GREAT day - I am succeeding today!

(by the way - the motivational/inspirational pics are from www.tut.com if you haven't checked it out - you may want to do so - JAMBA!)

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