I must begin by saying - I ROCKED my lab yesterday!!!!! I fixed EVERY SINGLE computer with my partner and it went great. Thank you all for your support!
So YES - begin with the good stuff - and I will end with some good stuff too - but here comes the hard stuff next:
Well - I am in my third day of feeling like crap although i am most definitely improving and feel that I will be well enough to show up for work tomorrow . . . my food/eating resolve in the evenings these past days SUCKS!
I posted this to my Support Group (Record What You Eat/Become More Aware) and thought I should just make it part of my blog entry too. Putting it right out there for everyone to see somehow helps me to see it more objectively -
I am feeling a little of that old "See, you never succeed - there is always something that makes you just be STUPID and ignore that inner voice - why even try?" but I REFUSE to give that my attention!!!!
I keep trying to pull myself back to "Hey, it's okay - you are doing great, you are sick, and even though you really shouldn't have eaten it - it won't kill you - just be good NOW and it will all fall back into place - DO NOT jump off that BandWagon!!"
8:00 am - 2 coffees w/Splenda-LFmilk
2:00 pm - 1 low carb tortilla with colby jack
4:30 pm - 1 hot dog with Chili, Cheese, Onions, & Sauerkraut
9:00 pm - 1 Gin Martini/Splash Vermouth/3 onions
10:30pm - 1 Toasted English Muffin with Butter and cinnamon/sugar
10:45pm - 1 Toasted Bagel with Butter and cinnamon/sugar
11:00pm - 1 large can of Water Packed tuna with mayonnaise, relish, dill, & curry
That whole time period starting at 10:30 I ate completely to feel that satisfaction of being STUFFED - I don't know why, I just "couldn't" stop! - I know I could have - but I dont know why my mechanism for positive CHOICE wasn't working - each time I fixed the food - my conscious mind was saying - why are you doing this? you know you dont want this? Right NOW you can decide to stop - Just dont keep putting that in the toaster - just throw that in the trash - just STOP STOP STOP.... but I just kept on going and going and going and going like the Energizer Bunny. DAMMIT
But I started today anew and in my Toolbox was the talk from Coach about the 10 keys to Success (what do you know, just when I needed it) - and I wrote some affirmations and really feel good about them -
1) I am productive at home -
2) I participate in interesting/fun activities on the weekends -
3) I love myself and I believe in my ability to succeed -
4) I choose to eat delicious fresh and healthy food in appropriate quantities every day -
5) I do not smoke cigarettes
So I am feeling positive - I refuse to stop seeing the success - I refuse to focus on the negative - I completely believe that I can do this - I have not missed a DAY of TOOLS - I have not missed a DAY of Blogging - I am doing my checklist (except not perfect the last few days/sickness makes motivation waver pretty hard) to the best of my ability and have renewed my committment to the checklist as of THIS MOMENT.
Today is GREAT day - I am succeeding today!
(by the way - the motivational/inspirational pics are from www.tut.com if you haven't checked it out - you may want to do so - JAMBA!)