Coco:

You have given me some ideas!

Wow Guitar school, Portuguese nights , counselling course ....one busy guy! I need to take up some evening activity soon.

Way to go!....don't think I have done RED LIGHTs yet...

Thanks for sharing

Aylewand:

You're already on track

I was reading your great blog, and realized that to pose these questions and mull the whole thing over is brilliant.  I mean standing back and looking at your post it really answers it's own questions.  So I would say that you will find your own answers on your terms.  The terrific part is that you are allowing the process and that is honestly the key.

You're a winner Martin and your insight is appreciated. 

Dabble:

Red Light, Green Light

I am reminded of the kids game where you try to sneak up on the "caller" when they say "green light" but not get caught moving when they turn around shouting "red light". Sometimes the things we move towards are actually red lights, and we get caught in our progress and thrown 'out" of the game. It's sneaky, because it's hard to tell when the caller will shift from green to red, and back again, and you are usually in a crowd, all striving toward the same goal.  It can be confusing.

I know, having just started dating again after separating, I was green light all the way - enjoying the excitement of meeting new people, not being overly selective, going for that tasty goal of new company, interesting lives, and yes, some good rumpy bumpy enroute.

But eventually, the caller turned around and caught me.  So now, I'm "out" of the dating game until I figure out what I really want in my life and what my warning signals are....

I share this story because you've self-identified as a "bit of a sucker" - is that true? Do others take advantage of your good nature?  Or are you merely kind? Are there some red lights you can identify from the "sucker" experience?

I know I need to go back and revisit mine!;-) 

Wordsmith:

Amber light... brake or gas?

There's a lot of truth in what you're saying, Martin.  In my own life, I've failed to see more than a few red lights until it was too late.  I've also indulged in more than my share of self-destructive behaviour at different periods in my life, sometimes from inappropriate enthusiasm, less often from a genuine wish to hurt myself, most often from a sometimes misguided wish to protect or save someone else.

I suppose it's that last mode that makes you feel that you're a bit of a sucker.  It's not true.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with caring about others, and that never says you're a sucker of even the mildest sort.  That's something I've learned.  Once in a while, you may get hurt, but the good you receive and give far outweighs the bad.

For perhaps different reasons than you, in recent years I've also let myself lose contact with a lot of my friends.  I regret that.  I'm now taking the time to renew old acquaintances and to make new friends.  I think it's great that you're also finding ways to make new friends.  Oh, and I suspect that the new you has been changing some others' approaches to life and to other people.  It has to be.

As I've learned to see the red lights coming up, one thing I've remembered is that there are not only red and green lights.  Watch for those amber lights and you'll be well warned as you approach an intersection of your life with a red light.  Remember that sometimes you may be able to run an amber light, but just as often you're better to just stop while you can.

Rexo:

Red light reinvention..

I'm sure everyone with a pulse and a modicum of compassion has been caught up in the old 'sucker' routine. But to realise it and actually take the steps to change the situation nullifies the past because hopefully it now no longer exists in the present or future.

As 'they' say, the best revenge is to do well. After what you've learnt I'm sure you're having, or you will have, people from the past asking you for your secret.