New Beginnings: Day 58

I don't have a problem with alcohol, I am a very light social drinker but I have definitely been affected by alcohol abuse. My ex husband is an alcoholic and I stayed with him for 18 years, hoping it would get better until I finally got the courage to say, enough! I then quickly entered another serious relationship and that man, too, turned out to be a very manipulative alcoholic.

The choices those men made are theirs, but it has taken me a long time to realize that. What has surprised me is how addicted I had become to being "the fixer" and how I craved that attention. I was needed by these men, I was going to be the one to stand by them, no matter how bad it got, when no one else would. I took on their problem as my own without even realizing it. I have just recently been made aware, after going through a severe clinical depression and a year of therapy, how much I had been emotionally abused, how I had put these relationships before my own health and happiness and how I took on the whole persona of caregiver because I had felt this was as good as it got. No one else would love me but these men did. I did this not once (the marriage) but twice ( the next relationship) I thought that at least it was better than being alone. I was not going to be the fat ugly old spinster, I was in a marriage that at least looked normal.I was so wrong.

Thanks to Tools and therapy, I am rebuilding my life, I am looking after me :-)

I wish I had known that there was support for people like me involved in a relationship with an alcoholic. I would urge anyone else to seek that support that is going through a similar experience.

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Tags: alcoholic abuse, living with an alcoholic