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Member Since: 03/20/08
Last Login: 10/06/08
Viewed: 4815
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Program Progress: Day 80
Member Since: 03/20/08
Last Login: 10/06/08
Viewed: 4815
Program in:
Program Progress: Day 80
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comments
says:
Good for you for being willing to ask for help on this! It's not easy!
You are not an idiot, you were made special. That is unfortunate that you family chooses to not see who you are, maybe they are very sick, but you need to accept that so you cant ake action to protect yourself from them bringing you down. You are too special to let this drag you down!
I hope as you keep using the Tools to get stronger and healthier, that you will brianstorm new ways to share who you are with these people while still protecting yourself. The Dance of Anger is a great book about creating a totally different relationship with your loved ones.
says: I agree with what you said. I was still angry when I wrote my question.I just know that I am not going to take it anymore.If they want to be in my life,they are going to have to make some changes.Thank you for what you wrote .It has helped.
says:
I want to affirm you for reaching out to the tools community about this.
If your family don't respect you then DON'T see them!!
In fact, do one better and tell them that is why you won't be seeing them - that they don't show respect.
Doesn't have to be forever.
Wer all play roles in a family - yours has become the scapegoat, without your consent. There are probably some people in your family who get a huge pay-off from this. No more!!!
You juust musn't allow this, you are entitled to respect and if you cannot find it with them you just musn't see them.
Without going into specifics, I have a family member who has learned the hard way that if she is rude, I get in my car and leave. Imeddiately. I stand up, say to her "You are being rude and it is unacceptable to me. I am leaving. You will have to explain to everyone why I have left" and then i would go. I only had to do it twice. Guess what? She watches her mouth now. :-) It took 6 months though, but it was worth it. I now enjoy family get togethers.
Please keep us posted - this is very very common stuff. Families lose their manners and treat relatives in a way they would never treat their friends or co-workers. You don't have to declare yourself an orphan, but you do need to insist how how you will and won't be treated, and work out what you will and won't accept.
says:
I have the same problem with my family.
Depending on how serious your problem is,
you might have to decide whether to cut off
communications with your family. For your
own mental health.
It is not good to be around negative influences. It will only drag you down.
Love your family but do it from a distance.
says: Sometimes you have to not let them know they are bothering you. When they see this ,then they lose power over you . Good luck!