What do I really want

The idea of making choices based on what I will benefit me most in the long term rather than what I want in the moment has been on my mind recently. This is the reason that I got out of bed today and did Tools. I don't always feel like doing tools, and I dont always see the immediate benefit from doing all the work. But I've decided that the important thing is to dedicate myself to a specific purpose, even if I dont always think it's important. The important thing is that I can make a choice, set a goal, and then see it through to the end, without becoming distracted, without giving in to the urge to jump to something else. I think what I've learned is that when I become restless the underlying cause is usally fear or being tired. And when I choose to give in to that restlessness, all I am doing is distracting myself from the real issue: Life. I'm so afraid of life. Of feeling the little pains. For some reason I think I'm not strong enough to taste all of the flavors that life has to offer, whether those flavors are desireable or undesireable. I'm choosing to get on the train and let it take me wherever it's going, and to stick with it. I'm choosing to experience and enjoy whatever sights, sounds, and flavors come along the way.

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