From Day 29: "...We need to put equal energy into [all the areas of our lives]. Energy doesn’t equal time. To be successful, some areas of our lives will not require as much time as others....Career . . . yes, this takes time. However, if the time taken is at the expense of all our other needs, then what do we have when we’ve achieved what we considered to be success? There are other sides of life that require time as well: your personal life, your relationships and family."
Reading this, I suddenly realised - yes, a EUREKA moment - that the time I'm putting into changing my life is life. It's not that I'm taking time out of my life to do these things - at the expense of the rest of my life - it's that doing Tools and learning new habits and changing my thinking and putting energy into achieving my goals, my life is in the doing of these things. My life is in the doing.
I'm not sure I'm articulating it well, but it took a very large weight off my shoulders. For some reason (probably an old, ingrained bad habit), I have been feeling so anxious about all the time it's taking for me to do all the steps, as if doing the steps was robbing me of time.
But when I re-read in today's lesson about success is a process, I finally understood. I had been swimming as if there was no water between me and shore and my whole focus was when I'd be out on dry land... and the whole time I had only seen the waves I was struggling through, had only feared drowning and sharks, had only felt how much effort and pain each stroke was, how tired I was from swimming. I hadn't noticed that the only place I was, was right there in that moment. I had forgotten each moment, submerged it in the false delusion of already being on shore...
I had forgotten how much I love to be in the water, how it feels to be in the water. I had forgotten to be in the water.
I had forgotten to be in life.