My success is inside!

 I feel like a whole new person.  I realize that I have wasted the last fifteen year mired in depression and self loathing....eating, crying, complaining and resisting the good in my life.  How sad that I just woke up from what seems to be a deep sleep.  I was dying each day, not living and though I am filled with regrets my job now is to make it up to myself and those who love me by throwing myself in feet first.  I want to laugh, love and live every minute to the fullest.  The tools have helped me gather the good memories to replace the bad.  I think of decorating cakes, working in porcelain, painting in watercolour, scuba diving and photographing things that live on the coral reef, of writing, scrapbooking, going to garage sales, of figure skating as a girl, of my garden and my love of nature.  Countless memories flood over me and I am overwhelmed with joy and passion for the life I have lived and am inspired to keep on living it.  The real success of this story is that I have learned to see the good in all things, ignore the negative (or change it if possible) and find the sunshine after the rain.  I can remember waking up and crying because I woke up....wishing I were finally in some dark safe space rather than coping with my life.  Today I embrace each day and find joy and satisfaction in so many things.  My life is so good I can hardly stand it and nothing has changed except me.  Who knew I was the problem all these years?  I now know I am the master of my destiny and every moment is a choice.  I choose happiness, sweetness, peace, love and laughter.  What a gift this program has been for me.

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Tags: gratitude