I have known success at different times in my life but I have never experienced such a profound sense of peace, self worth or absolute trust that my life is unfolding exactly as it should. To have completed 90 days in the tools program is not the accomplishment I am most proud of; rather, it is the subtle and long lasting changes that have occurred to this point as a result of doing tools that fill me with gratitude. I feel like an entirely new person...the one I was always destined to become. They say, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears". I like to think I was always ready but this may not be so. Otherwise my life would not have taken such a dark turn as I spiralled into illness, countless surgeries, self doubt, self loathing, an eating obsession that prompted me to gain over 100 pounds, and a feeling of quiet desperation which led me into deep depression. Success can be defined as many different things to each of us. For me, success is reflected by positive changes and the promise of more to come as I continue along the path. There are no endings, only new beginnings and from now on every day is the first day of my life. Here is a list of some of the little triumphs that have delighted and excited me over the past 90 days:
- I lost 60 pounds-began at 304, weigh 245 this morning.
- While I could not walk 10 minutes at the beginning, I now can walk 2 miles with ease.
- I no longer need a handicapped sticker for my car.
- My memory has improved.
- I eat nutritious foods, exercise every day and love my life.
- I am buying lovely clothes and take great pride in my grooming and appearance.
- I no longer am preoccupied with death.
- I greet each day with enthusiasm and fill my time with art, music, creative endeavours, gardening, friends and the computer.
- I have sorted my closets and uncluttered my life.
- Recycling has become my focus.
- I volunteer and help others on a daily basis.
- My relationships have all improved particularly within my marriage of 38 years.
- I see the good in all things and count my blessings.
- I am happy.
- I have reduced my medications to 3 pills from 11 before.
- I experience less pain and rarely take pain medications.
- I do some of the gardening and house cleaning myself for the first time in years.
It seems like a lot of change but when I remember the beginning, I recall the first few things I did. I committed to do tools every day, I stopped using cream in my coffee, stopped drinking soda pop entirely and began to drink water. I made a resolution to do at least 10 minutes of walking every day. As time went by, more changes occurred so I was led gently through and beyond. I slowly began to communicate online with the other bloggers and was surprised and astonished when some people began to reply to my messages. So many of these individuals have become part of the fabric of my life now. I cannot imagine being without them even though I might never meet face to face. Our spirits unite and together we do the things we were unable to do alone. This is not the story of my success....it is the story of how doing this tools program can give us all an opportunity to discover our authentic selves.
"What any one person can do, ALL OF US CAN DO.....the question is not, CAN WE but HOW CAN WE"?