Closet case

 In going through my closet, once again in search for something to wear that makes me feel great, I find that nothing fits. All of my clothes have shrunk....Thank goodness for stretchy fabricks, or else I would be stuck in my undies 24/7. I've become stagnant where exercising is concerned. This is very unusual for me as I have always been a highly energetic person. I am sure that this has to do with a depressive episode, as well as low self esteem. It seems that I have lost interest in doing all of the things I used to get pleasure and enjoyment out of. Also I should confess that the last relationship I had *I found out in the end* was based on my body image. I convinced myself that if I gained weight maybe then men would not only see how I looked, but would care for who I am as well. This is a self destructive mode that I have brought on myself. I have tons of beautiful clothes, and am in the rut of wearing only those that I am able to squeeze into. Instead of kicking myself for letting what a man treated me like, and choosing to self destruct what in the past I valued a lot about myself, I am resolving to getting out and finding the fit me that I adore. Loving myself right down to how I feel about me, is a focus that sometimes is foggy. I will not get rid of the clothes, I will fit into the closet full of beautiful items. Why should it matter what someone else's excuses are for loving me. The point of loving someone is that you put YOUR all into it. I will take care of my inside feelings and my outside the same. I choose to adorn myself in the colors that show my best features. And why not, this is self love not vanity. Thank god shoe size has not expanded.....I promise to remain relentless in loving who and how I am.

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Tags: self esteem, Depression, self control