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Join Now Feeling Suicidal by peanutbutterhair
 
peanutbutterhair
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Birth Date: Sat, Feb 26 1955

Place of residence:
New York New York, United States (map)

I am: In Relationship

Schools: New York University, Rosemary Hall-Choate

Jobs: singer, writer, artist, actress

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Member Since: 05/02/07
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  peanutbutterhair

Sun, Jul 11 03:50 AM

Feeling Suicidal

 

Today I was feeling very depressed, almost suicidal. So many bad things have happened this past week. My father and boyfriend both have dementia and are quickly deteriorating. Several people I know have died.

 

My body is slowly falling apart. I've had cancer, mental illness, high blood pressure, heart problems. This week I had pain in my knees and the doctor told me I had arthritis. Sometimes I wonder how much more I can take. I'm only 55 and I feel I've suffered more than most people. I feel that life has been unfair to me.

 

I tried to call both my medical doctor and psychiatrist but both were unavailabe. I just feel alone and hopeless.

 

 

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paperqueen paperqueen:

Please Call

Please call a New York crisis hotline immediately.  You need to talk this out.

 

I looked online and there is The Samaritans 212-673-3000 and a US Hotline 1-800-784-2433.

 

I then recommend you should get some help through social services.  Please do not think you are alone.  There are many people who want to help.  If you cannot count on your family, how about someone from your choir, or a good friend?

 

Take care. Take action for yourself. 

eibrink eibrink:

I understand

11 years ago I was in the same place you are.  Frankly, I can't explain why I kept going, but some small part of me would not die.  The road out of that place was a slow one.  In no way do I want to lessen the exhaustion you feel right now.  Let yourself be free to be tired and sad.  And look around at the little things that may one day interest you.  For me, it was a movie marquee.  I looked up at it and thought, "Oh, there are movies that haven't been made that I may want to see one day."  And I kept going.  I also reached out to trusted friends who were willing to listen and let me talk it out.  Please use the hotline number listed above, or call an acquaintance, if not a family member.  Keep talking.  There's no quick fix for how you feel, but it does improve.  I'm living proof.

eibrink eibrink:

Still here

I'm still here.  I hope you post a note today.

JennysMom JennysMom:

Hug

You are loved.  And it sounds like both your father and boyfriend need you right now.

 

Here is a long distance hug for you.

(((((peanutbutterhair))))

 

I just read that you do tai chi.  Isn't it peaceful?  It always seems to clear my thoughts.

 

BTW, how did you come up with the name peanutbutterhair?