Last week was hard work and so rewarding!! I came face to face with some hard home truths about myself. I STOPPED. I took stock and I got honest with myself. I took responsibility for my well-being and happiness and grew up some. I guess that best sums it up. I had a major work meeting on Wednesday- with a background of trouble with the project leader. I won't bore you with details, but suffice it to say, it reflected a life-long pattern, and I finally faced up to the common denominator- me. I took time off work/career to really work on my life and work through my fears and joys and decide what it was I wanted out of this situation. I STOPPED. In a life so hectic and in which I found myself too often saying "I'm so/too busy" "I'm so tired" "I don't have time to...." fill in the blank! And I decided to STOP. To take responsibility for my life and take care of me, instead of complaining about how no-one takes care of me, I took care of me. And in that process I began to SEE how much others DO care for me and just don't make a song and dance about, or I take for granted. Like the good and dear friends I have talked through so many of the major issues I have faced in the recent times- the endless cups of tea, conversations, hugs, smiles, laughter and loving words and gestures. I am truly blessed! So gratitude is one of the main keys for me at the moment. I will start a challenge in 3 days time to simply be grateful for my LIFE. Join me in the challenges! :-)
And I realised deeply that life is what I want it to be. So now I am committed to making time, and suddenly time is not an issue. I have come across this again and again in my life- I give something up or let it go and then suddenly it appears! Suddenly, time is NOT the issue! I have ALL THE TIME IN THE UNIVERSE!
And the work meeting? It was so amazing! I realised how much effect I can have on others, there was general surprise that I was not making a big deal and that I was happy with what was done... It is hard to describe... Like I had laid down a huge burden I have been carrying for all my life... And the other thing I did last week was to tell someone I have only just recently met how much I love and care for them with no need for reciprocity (and some trepidation of what the consequence would be)- a risking of myself and a honesty with my emotions I have not allowed myself for years. Because I had grown to believe that this is simply not safe. Again, I don't know how to describe this adequately... Like a liberation from fear I have lived under for so long- the fear of being truly who and what I am.
And you know the most important thing? I remembered how I love to LOVE people! To share and give of myself without fear and without expectation of return. I feel as if a floodgate has been opened and I feel so JOYFUL and HAPPY to be ME. I realise I have been working towards this for so long and felt flashes- but it feels as if my heart has opened again. I feel like I have truly come home!! I feel trust and beauty and love in such a poignant way today and will keep doing all these things I know to be good and true for me to keep my heart open and to keep LOVING. And I am so HAPPY to be able to share all I have been given. And in the loving, being able to SEE how deeply I am loved in return, and have always been loved. I just didn't realise it.
So last week was a HUGE week for me, and I know TOOLS has been such an integral part of this. I am so excited to see what will happen next!!
Blessings and so much love (and more) to you all!! Pip
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Good for you
Wow, you had a really productive week. Doesn't it feel so awesome to have that freedom. And it really does feel like actual weight is gone.
I am so proud of you. Keep going. You are doing wonderful.