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Join Now Sadness and Fear by pehi
 
pehi
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Birth Date: Hidden

Place of residence:
Dunedin Otago, New Zealand (map)

I am: Single & Not Dating

Schools: Taupo Primary, Taupo Intermediate, Taupo-nui-a-Tia College, Otago University

Jobs: Current-Researcher/Academic Previous- Tutor, Laboratory Demonstrator, Volunteer Worker (SPCA- Society for the Protection of Animals; RDA- Riding for the Disabled; Women's Refuge Crisis Worker), Clinical Psychologist, Counsellor, Waitress, Kitchen-Hand.

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Member Since: 07/26/08
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Sadness and Fear

 

 

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pehi

  pehi

Mon, Sep 01 02:36 AM

Sadness and Fear

 

Today was a day like any other... today though I felt sad for a lot of it.  I have realised that I have spent a lot of my life being less than I could so that I wouldn't experience some of the things I have in the last 48 hours.  To not risk others feeling angry at me, or less than, or jealous, or judgemental of me and my decisions.

 

I have been so blessed of late to be surrounded by this warm bath of people and higher thought that is positive, nurturing me towards this place of emergence and remembering who am.

 

There are so many people 'out there' that do not understand or comprehend that, and who regard me as strange or whatever it is they see me as... and it of course has more to do with themselves... and mostly I am oblivous to it now... but today I let it back in, if only for a wee while, and I did not like it.  And I felt sad when I was only being open and loving and kind, and received rudeness and unthinking dismissal in return...

 

Today I felt vulnerable and fearful again... I still do a little, so I am running a nice hot bubble bath and will read something inspirational before I go to bed...

 

I am coming out from 'under the radar' as my friend put it to me the other day.  And I said some months ago that I no longer wish to hide who I truly am... So I 'can't stop this'!

 

Today was sad for me, is all.  And part of that sadness is that we as people still persist in believing we are somehow apart/separate from each other and that others are 'less than' or 'less desirable' than ourselves, which really translates to how we feel inside about ourselves.... so sad....

 

But away to my bubble bath!  And 'I'm having a great day!' because the sun rose, the day was warm and the first day of spring is here!  And the lillies in my room smell divine and my daughter is tucked up and sleeping soundly...

 

Blessings to you!

Pip

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jojosgrl jojosgrl


 

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Enufsenuf Enufsenuf:

Reaching from the outside

Hi m8ey.

 

Ya, I been like this too... It seems to me you got the end of the story. In a restaurant this waitress was really rude!! But later in the night, we over-heard that she had split up with her boyfriend. It wasn't our fault and I could understand a bit of how she felt as well. I believe there is always a reason behind it all.

Your the best and keep bubbling...

 

Enough's enough.

pehi pehi:

You are right!

One of my other friend's reminded me of that too.  I am so lucky to have you guys in my life!  I also acknowledge that I have been working pretty darn hard to change some things, and maybe I'm just plain tired! (also reminded by another wise friend!)  So thanks so much for the support!  So glad you are still here :-)  Arohanui e hoa, kia kaha! Pip