Vision Quest

Ah, back in tools!!

I have been away for a few days.

I have spent the past ten years working very hard on myself to clear the past and to work out who I am.  This past year has been accelerated, and it doesn't look like it's going to slow down much in the future.  Which is all incredibly exciting, and there is much I can see in the future.

The last two days leading up to my 34th birthday (tomorrow) I have spent on my version of a vision quest.  I wanted to do this as a ritual to mark the past ten years of hard work and achievement, and my moving into a future that is free of my past and a time of fruition and living in joy.  My lovely friend Moana and her family looked after my girl so I could go into the wilderness for two days by myself.  I packed a tent and some water (as I decided to fast as well) and went!  5 hours tramping (hiking) in and 5 hours back out.  I saw no-one the entire time.  Blissful solitude with just me and nature.  I walked along the river, many hills and swing bridges.  Highlights were the bird-song and their company, being caught in a hailstorm as I was putting up my tent!, a beautiful rainbow that blazed down on me while I packed up the next day and the stars on a crisp, clear night (they really are so magical when there are no city lights to dim them).  No speaking or human contact, only the wind in the trees, the sound of me walking, the birds and the river.  Magic!! 

I had many personal revelations and thoughts, but first among them has to be, every single moment is precious, and my dedication to honouring every one.  I heard this saying a long time ago 'Today is a good day to die' and I have come to fully understand this one.  Even though there were doubts and fears to overcome in going on my 'vision quest', I knew it to be what I wanted to do, so I did.  And any time I got scared, I would say that to myself, and you know what?  It was a good day to die!  To experience the last few days was amazing.  I am glad I did not let my fears convince me not to go.  It felt right.

I came home and spent some time with Moana and her family and then I came home to play in the waves at the beach in the sun with my daughter.  Now she is tucked up in bed sound asleep and happy and I am writing this listening to the sound of the waves crashing.  And tomorrow is my birthday!! 

I feel blessed, so very very blessed.  I have felt this way for the last few weeks, to the point where my eyes well up with tears of joy.  These past few days have been a ritual to mark the last ten years of effort that I have put in that I can now see blossoming in me and in my life.  I am so very very grateful to all the people and time in nature that has helped me to be who I am today.  I really really like and love who I am.

And in a strange way, as my oldest childhood friend said to me the other day, who has seen the very worst and the very best of me- "I know you have changed so much, we both have, but somehow you haven't changed at all.  The essence of you is the same"  And she was right.  I feel as if I have simply uncovered who I was at the core of me all the time.

My soul is shining for all to see. 

And I am not afraid.

May blessings rain down on all of you as they have on me.

Arohanui (much/great love)

Pip

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