To Be Complete and to be with Someone

I woke up today on my birthday and realised for the first time ever, I was complete.  I did not want or need for anything.  And it was a perfect day!  I feel that every day is going to be a perfect day from now on... no matter what. 

I have been musing on romantic relationships for a while now, having been single for over 3 years, the longest before that since I was 16 being a grand total of 6 months!!  So this is quite an achievement for me- especially as enmeshed (or co-dependent in other lingo) relationships were my speciality! and my number one addiction!!  And also a few of my friends are having a hard time in their relationships and are brave and trusting enough to share with me and ask what I think.  So this is helping me to reflect on past relationships and also on what it is I want from a relationship now.  Also I have a close friend who has a wonderful relationship with her husband and I love her advice on my man musings! 

I thank my last ex now for what I experienced with him, father to my beautiful daughter- strange to say I guess when I experienced so much pain with him.  But there were moments of pure bliss, when it felt almost as if we were one...  not many, but they were there.  And if I had my time over again, I would probably do it all again to feel that with him.  And would enjoy each moment we had together when we were good... for those moments do not last and we can miss them if we are worrying about what will happen or being angry or unforgiving about what has gone before.

Now I hope that when I am with someone again, that I can do exactly that.  Not plan on forever, just to enjoy each moment we choose to be together.  I wonder if so much of the pain we experience is due to worry about the future or the need for stability?  A guarantee if you like.  That we will live happily ever after, when all we really have is right now.  Does that make sense?  So we ask each other to promise to be our one and only, our everything forever, and then are horribly disappointed when we are human and cannot live up to this.  Who really can be this person?

In the meantime, for the first time in my life, I can really say, I am complete and happy just as I am.  Imperfections abounding, but perfect within all of that.  Perfect life, perfect me, right now.  No waiting for some magical something to happen!!

And, so important!  I am a worthwhile and precious person and I am worth being in relationship with.  And I deserve respect, love and being treated as someone who is precious.  But I don't any longer need anyone to make me feel beautiful- I FEEL that.  Wow!  That's really cool! 

And thanks to all my friends and family AGAIN for showering me with love and gifts and time and.... Just thank-you.

And thanks to my beautiful daughter for sharing the whole day with me (and missing school because she wanted to!) and loving me.

It truly was a perfect day you know...

Blessings and love to all!!

Pip :-)

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