'walking through mud...'

Hey there everybody,

Heavy topic for me in tools- The Void Part II.  Talking about depression.

I trained as a clinical psychologist, and part of what we were taught is that cognitive behavioural theapy (similar to what we do on tools) and drug treatment worked best in the treatment of depression.

I suffered from severe depression from the age of 11 to the age of 23.  So no wonder I chose to train as a psychologist I guess!!  And I also have suffered from many addictions in an attempt to control/eliminate/evade/escape the depression.  All of course in hindsight!  When I was in it, it was simply who I was and sometimes it was hell.

I am now 34 and have not suffered a major depressive episode or suicidal ideation since I was 23.  Even when my whole life was turned upside down 3 years ago, I didn't.  I consider myself cured.

Now I think there are many ways and paths to well-being, so I am not suggesting that my way is the only way, but I thought I would share on the off-chance it may help someone.  My path to well-being has been to acknowledge that I am a deeply spiritual person and to accept and honour the relationship I have to nature, to others and to spirit.  I have developed my own understanding of spirituality, but basically for me it comes down to believing in a greater power, something greater than our individual selves that encompasses us, cradles us- even when we feel most alone.  And I have felt this most keenly in nature- standing on the shores of the ocean, or deep within a forest, or beneath a sky blanketed in stars.  It is at those times that I can simply not deny that there is something greater out there that cradles me and makes sense of life for me.  And then the other is when I have felt connection with others- like the day my daughter was born, and I looked into her eyes and saw something so old and precious and new all at the same time- I believe I saw her soul.  And the many times since when she has caught me unaware with her Divine being shining forth.

So no drugs for me.  No cognitive-therapy, though maybe indirectly through my training.  But also from all the many people I worked with when I worked as a therapist- every single one of them bringing me great insights into life and myself and the nature of all things, simply by their trust and faith in me and their honest sharing and willingness to be vulnerable so that they can move on with their lives.  In helping others, I have helped myself- not intentionally, but I can see it so clearly now.

There are some key values I hold dear- and all the more dearly as I grow older and experience more.  The first of is these is, and always will be, love.  For what is there in life if there is no love?  The next is truth.  To live a truthful and open life is to foster love.  The next is faith.  That despite my scientific training, some things need to be taken on faith.  The proof is in the living, and sometimes we have to have faith and let go of whatever is propping us up to be able to pick up something new... we have to have faith and hope that there is something more for us than the void.  Faith often comes before we can experience something new.

Ah, but I have rambled on long enough.  I was going to write (before I did the toolbox today) about how today was like 'walking through mud'.  I was tired today.  And more than a little disillusioned about my workplace and the goings-on of late, and thinking about how I'm on holiday in only 3 more weeks (and really really wanting/needing one!)  with my daughter, sister and mother in Melbourne.  So I took extra extra care of me- went for a run, worked at home and then went to watch and help with my daughter's swimming at school.  Then we had takeaways for an easy tea and curled up and watched Madagascar on the couch before she went to bed.

Lovely.  Not every day is going to be easy, but I CAN make of it what I will.

I hope you have all had a great day and that blessings are abounding in your lives!

Arohanui

Pip

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