How to say....?

I was sitting here looking at a blank page, lost for words. 

Anyone who even knows me a little will know that this is not a common occurence!

How to describe today?  Just like any day, and yet not like any day I have ever experienced... at least in this lifetime.

I was logged on to tools, and it was about commitment. 

I have known for a long, long time that there was a great thing for me to do in this lifetime.  I felt it as a burden, a huge responsibility.  I rejected it.  I have run from it.  It is not important to tell you what it is, for I realised as I sat here, struggling for words, (when words rarely elude me!) that we ALL have that great thing to do in this lifetime.  What it is for me, will not necessarily be what it is for you.

Today was the day I stopped running.  I have run OUT of excuses.  Today was about realising that I am commited.  But even more, today was about realising that I truly accept WHO I am and WHO I was born to be.  Today.  First time.  I thought I had already...

I have wept these last few days.  Not sure what was wrong.  I feel it again now.  This feeling is joy.  Pure joy.  Pure freedom.  To be me.  What a great thing to experience...

TOOLS has helped me, my friends, my inner voice, my true self, my family, the natural world, my daughter.... it begins to feel like I've just won the Nobel Peace Prize.... I am so grateful, this is a collective achievement... nothing I achieve is in isolation...

I wrote a few days ago (though it feels like years ago today) that once I gave up the needing of validation, acceptance etc. it began to show up.  The last few days has shown an exponential increase in that... I feel the tears welling again...

I cannot express.  I simply cannot express this feeling!  To live so much of my life struggling, to live so much of my life in darkness and shame and fear and loathing and to have felt so unloved and uncared for and unworthy and ugly.... to then experience this.

I would change nothing.  Nothing.  For to truly know the light is to truly know the darkness.  I give thanks to the hardest lessons in my life that have prepared me to feel so blessed and so loved and so cherished now to the deepest core of my being.

There is a plan.  I see it now.  I accept my place in the plan and I choose to live it consciously, with great love and with joyous purpose.

'The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the greater your capacity for joy' Kahlil Gibran.  The essence of this quote has sometimes been the one thing that has kept me hanging in there.

For this day, experience, for this moment I would live my life out a million times.  For this one moment of clarity and blazing light, I would travel the darkest night.  For it is truly worth it.

My words fail to communicate this.  I hesitated to try.  I hope this makes sense.

Blessings and great, great love to all

Pip

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