ok. lets see how well i can do this. my name is rosie, most people call me red because my hair color used to be red. up until about 4 days ago, then i dyed it a dark brown, although the box said mahogany. so, i guess my hair color is mahogany now.

anyways, i'm 21 years old, live in a city known as "soup city" because of campbell...you know, campbell's soup? haha, anyway, its also known as the town of potholes. nothin much great to it, just a lot of bars and a lot of churches so that when you screw up [or someone] saturday at a bar, there's always a church to go to to ask for forgiveness.

i work at a sporting goods store that we call "the cock" [dick's sporting goods.] i've been there for 3 years and its pretty much been my life. i've met some of my best friends, as well as some humorous, relations i guess might be the good choice of word. i've endured tough times there too, because not every job is ever perfect, no matter how hard you try.

in october of '07 my sister had a baby boy of which i was luckily, and honorably chosen as his godmother, and i couldn't be more happier. in january of 08' my father had quadruple bypass surgery and they weren't sure he would make it on the table. with many prayers being said for him, he made it through with flying colors.

today, 11.3.08 he is 60 years old, so happy birthday daddy-o.

i am so happy that he is still here for me, because he's my strength and my hero. yeah we have our fights but he also has a sense of being able to calm me down. and im so happy that we were able to get as close as we are this past summer.

uhm, i guess i'll stop writing in here because a lot of what i'm saying is really part of my past....so i'll just move on to that.

as you can tell, i'm a person that loves the centering effect in microsoft word.  but to continue my story....

i've been a smoker for 5 years. not a lot considering all the years most people have been smoking. but its still alot for me. cigarettes pretty much became and object of affection when i was about 5 years old. and no, im not lying. my grandmother was a smoker, my uncle was a smoker, 3 of my aunts were smokers. and i cannot express to you how much i loved the smell of a freshly lit cigarette, all the way until they were done with it.  i remember a certain night, when i was about 5 or 6, my uncle being out in the garage smokin a cigarette, and i went over and took one out of his pack, and pretended to be smoking with him while he talked on the phone. he never said anything, and never even tried to take it out of my hand. on thanksgiving and on sundays, i was sure to hang out with my grandma outside for her smoke-sessions. i used to play with the smoke that billowed out from her mouth, or the cigarette itself.

i knew from that point on that i would one day become a smoker. and so when i was 16, on a sunday at my grandpa's, i snuck 5 cigarettes out of my uncle's pack when no one was in the kitchen. and then that monday after school, i went in the back of the house, and tried them out. wasn't the best tasting thing, but in my mind i felt that this was something that was right for me. so i continued to do that every sunday for a year,  5 smokes a week. not bad i suppose. when i landed my first job i would have the older people run next door to buy me a pack with my tips that i earned. soon i was up to 5 a day.

when i turned 18 was when i was able to buy them on my own, and i know that then there was no stopping me. i hid it well for a good 6; months after i was 18, and then my mom found out and was so angry,  it was amazing she didnt just kill me on the spot. but eventually she got over it, and she knows when my cravings hit and when im outside what im doing.

3 years has gone by, and im still a smoker. my dad tells me everyday that i need to stop smoking. i just wish i could tell him how hard it actually is!! he doesnt get that the nicotine is what makes it so hard to quit. but i promised regardless of the fact, and today is monday, and today is his birthday, november third. and so i think that not only would it be nice to quit smoking to keep my promise, but to also make it as kind of a birthday gift. so i am attempting it for probably about the 5th time. lets hope this time it works!

im not too sure on what to say about my future. i know that i would like to be happier than i am, to not let things bother me so much. i would love to be smoke-free a year from now, shit, even 6 months from now. just to show that i can do this, even if no one in my family, or none of my friends think i can.

it would be great to be able to prove to them that i can make the goals i set for myself. so  i can only hope that i meet the support on here that they say is offered. i can join a group, even keep a blog, its like a journal, im not stupid. its just keeping up with the blog.

and although i am one for privacy, one key is to be open about everything. and i'm all about being open. sooo, thats it for now, i guess. message me, comment me, add me. whatever, im here for you guys too.

peace.