There are a couple of areas that I have identified as needing a little more work and support to accomplish. First, my fitness goals  have been taking a back seat to my new schedule and second my social life, while not suffering too much is not quite what I would like it to be, i.e. adding opportunities for dating  into the mix. So here I am with a clearer focus of what i need to accomplish and knowing that I can change.  

I am having a great day? Happy Easter!

I just got my first full time job in 25 years! Mind You I have been concentrating on raising 5 children for most of that time. Anyway, I had a job interview this morning, and before I went I reviewed my Tools  lists that I have made over the course, I left home in a positive and confident mindset. I got the job.

     After many "failures" and disappointments and financially hard times, I  succeeded. I can't wait to start my new job(tomorrow morning). I know that the work I did through Tools is what is behind this success. I have the right attitude, I know how to change my attitude and when I am scared I can work through the fear. I focus on my goals and know what I need to do to achieve them. I am prepared.  Yes, tools work!!!!

So to everyone who is new to this program, keep working through, it may seem pretty tough at times, but keep going. For those who have been a part of my support system, thank you. Your comments and encouragement and your own blogs and challenges have been an invaluable part of this enriching experience. 

clap, splash, brush and smile, I AM having a GREAT day!

    My daughter is doing Tools also, so she has been getting on my case to get back on track by going over the old lessons, follow my checklists, etc. I love having in house support for keeping on track, yet I know that I should be able to do that for myself.  Anyway, after a little break and falling off the wagon, so to speak, I am back and ready to continue on my journey to make my dreams come true. One of the most creative ideas that I am rather proud of is my life brochure that I made myself. I have updated it and printed it off to carry with me at all times. This little brochure has my checklists, my self description and the description of my ideal partner, my rules  and questions to ask myself when I am in doubt, plus pictures that inspire me.

    My daughter is doing Tools also, so she has been getting on my case to get back on track by going over the old lessons, follow my checklists, etc. I love having in house support for keeping on track, yet I know that I should be able to do that for myself.  Anyway, after a little break and falling off the wagon, so to speak, I am back and ready to continue on my journey to make my dreams come true. One of the most creative ideas that I am rather proud of is my life brochure that I made myself. I have updated it and printed it off to carry with me at all times. This little brochure has my checklists, my self description and the description of my ideal partner, my rules  and questions to ask myself when I am in doubt, plus pictures that inspire me.

One thing I can say, is that thanks to Tools, I am not sinking into depression or worse, I do have hope and a belief in myself that I will find the right job and be able to get a home of our own and be able to live the life that I truly want and deserve, I will find a wonderful, intelligent, caring man to share myself with. I have a lot to offer.

I have a huge amount to learn about finding work, I have not needed to be the full-time breadwinner before. I know that I will make mistakes in this job search, I know that I will make mistakes in interviews, and I will learn from those mistakes and each mistake takes me one step closer to getting it right. 

I often get angry at myself for not learning this stuff when I was in my twenties,  I could have avoided a lot of pain and suffering in both me and my children. Then, I know, I must forgive myself, I do what I can when I can. I wasn't ready to learn these lessons, I am now.  It has been a steep learning curve this year, I am proud of myself. My father is proud of me and I love to hear that the changes in me are noticeable.

and so back to my to do list.....

The boys and I went to the "auditions" yesterday, and they got the "call back ", except this wasn't for a particular job, this was recruiting for their courses. I had to say "no, thank you".  The boys loved being in front of the camera and saying their lines but as a single underemployed mother, I just don't have the financial resources to sign up for "development" courses and not sure that it is necessary either, feels "scammish", even though it is with a very well known agency. My father is going to send pics of the boys to his agent and we will look at other alternatives. I have been questioning myself through this all, my inner voice is not helping, and I have had an interesting time trying to figure out what is getting me so upset. 

Still working that out but to start: anger at their father for ditching us 8 years ago; anger at myself for still  hurting over his leaving me/us, anger at being alone still and not have enough of me to go around for everybody. Pain and hurt are rampant and on top of all this are menopausal hormones, the last thing I need!!!  lol, still have a sense of humour.

Why has the boys "auditions" brought all this up? because I am afraid of losing the gains I have made in the past year. I am afraid of losing focus on my future as I try to help them with theirs. I have to get a job that pays the bills and provides health and dental benefits and provides the income for a home of our own and a retirement for me.  I dont want to be alone anymore, I want to meet people and date and eventually get married again. I cant go back to living only for my children. I know that I have the skills through tools to keep my focus. I know what I need to do and I will do it because I know what I want and need. 

I do my tools and I will have the life I want. How do I meet a man who understands? 

Ok, the end of my pity party,  had my grumble, back onto the horse.....

sorry about the mixed metaphors....

    Well, they have shown a great deal of interest in performing lately, and talking about getting an agent  (their grandfather has one and does a bit of acting work). The other day we heard on the radio about a local agency having auditions for children....... oh boy, they got all excited and bugged me to call and now we have a time to show up on Saturday!!

    I don't know whether to be excited or scared. The boys are thrilled to pieces, as soon as we got the time, they called their dad and their granddad to tell them about it. They have been planning songs to sing, and dance routines to do, though they won't need to have anything planned for this. Thankfully, my father ( the aforementioned grandfather) is going to meet us, and has got a couple of good photos of them and will be there to help us get through the day. 

    I do know that the confidence I gained from doing Tools has a lot to do with making that phone call and not finding an excuse to  avoid it. 

 More news later.....