traps and clarity

    Thank you all for commenting on my last blogs, I have been struggling a bit lately. Falling into some traps maybe. There seems to be too much to do and not enough hours in the day and I am finding myself paralyzed from moving forward. Or maybe I am avoiding doing the hard stuff  for ME by filling my time taking care of others and my home. Besides I dont have any money to really do the things I need/want to do. (excuses, complaints, justifications,lies, what other traps have I just used here?)

    I have been space scrubbing, distracting myself with other tasks. I am enjoying myself, I am happy. I have been told several times lately that I look great and have lost weight and I say "No, I am just Happy!, I am actually 10lbs heavier." I am happy, so why am I avoiding my whole job search/career exploration? I think I am actually clearing space in my life and my head for the coming tasks. I am gaining control over my space, and looking at my choices, while I am cleaning and clearing clutter. I am realizing my home is not a healthy house, it is not well designed and does nothing to nurture me or my family. I am enjoying the process of discovery and through this discovery  comes much clarity. Readiness for  finding a nurturing house/home and  clarity about career options. As some have suggested, they maybe connected and combined; work from home, foster children, international students, bed and breakfast these are just a sample of ideas I have had or been given.

    I love this process of blogging/journaling, I find it quite therapeutic, my thoughts evolve as I type, and I can see my answers to my own questions and struggles. I am now at a place to go and do something practical around this, so off I go and the details may be in my next log. Tally-ho!

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Tags: choices, control, clarity, traps