I have been slipping lately, not in any big ways, just struggling with my to do list. So much to do , not enough time and money to do it. I keep applying for jobs and waiting for calls for interviews but the calls do not come.... Once again, I wish I was married and didn't have to worry so much about how to pay the bills and raise my children, have a home of our own, no more renting-losing/wasting huge amounts of money into other peoples pockets and futures, falling further behind as rents get raised and housing prices soar and my income drops to next to nothing. I have so many ideas of things I want to do and yet I struggle to make the rent and put gas in the car.
One thing I can say, is that thanks to Tools, I am not sinking into depression or worse, I do have hope and a belief in myself that I will find the right job and be able to get a home of our own and be able to live the life that I truly want and deserve, I will find a wonderful, intelligent, caring man to share myself with. I have a lot to offer.
I have a huge amount to learn about finding work, I have not needed to be the full-time breadwinner before. I know that I will make mistakes in this job search, I know that I will make mistakes in interviews, and I will learn from those mistakes and each mistake takes me one step closer to getting it right.
I often get angry at myself for not learning this stuff when I was in my twenties, I could have avoided a lot of pain and suffering in both me and my children. Then, I know, I must forgive myself, I do what I can when I can. I wasn't ready to learn these lessons, I am now. It has been a steep learning curve this year, I am proud of myself. My father is proud of me and I love to hear that the changes in me are noticeable.
and so back to my to do list.....