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15 Years down the drain....... by Skinman
Hello... Today is my first day using tools.... I dont know what to expect but I do know that I sure could use some direction in my life at this point... You see after over 15 years together my wife left me for someone she had met online and started an affair with....
Needless to say I was devestated by her betrayel..... Here's someone with whom I have shared a third of my life with ... loved and sacrificed so much for to be told that its over and she has found someone else....There are days when the pain is so intense that thoughts of them together never leave my mind.. Wondering what I could have done better.. how I could have loved her more and tried harder to show my appreciation for her....
Was it my fault..? i dont know she has blamed me for it all said I drove her to seek out affection elsewhere... But I did the best I could... I never abused her ... never raised my voice in anger and did everything that i could to make her and my girls happy...
In the end it wasn't enough.........
comments
It will get better
I cant even begin to imagine how you feel, but i do know that life will go on and that tommorrow is a new day. Just cherish the time you had with her and even though you had 15 years maybe she wasnt it for you. time heals all wounds and i know it will heal this one
Hang in there
Keep working with Tools, life will certainly get better for you. You are certainly worth it, never forget that.
I'm glad you found your way here
I'm really glad you are taking the time to help yourself. And also giving yourself time to work out your feelings about it. You have a lot of questions about 'what ifs ?' and you may not find the answers to them. And it's easy to beat yourself up with "what could I have done differently?' etc. Although, it can help a little to look at these questions, staying on them too long hurts you more than helps. You'll find some support here and if you do the lessons, you will find your life getting better. And even though some days you won't want to, just do the tools anyway and you'll soon see an improvement. That is what has been happening to me. Also, I just recently found this affirmation, I tend to dwell on past mistakes, 'Today, I will not imagine what I would do if things were different. They are not different. I will do my best with what material I have.' It might help or not, you have the choice to use or not. Welcome to Toolstolife!
Choices
To say someone "drove" her to have an affair is not taking ownership of her own behavior. People make choices and there were hundreds of choices other than that one she could have made. So I hope you don't take that on.
I hear your pain, and I'm glad you are here.
You can make some important, small changes in your life and direction, day by day, so that you slowly move forward into a good future.
Hi
Dear Tools buddy,
I am sorry to hear about your pain.
Tell yourself the truth. The truth is, you deserve to be happy. Don't blame yourself or give yourself a hard time. You have just suffered a big loss, and you need all the self loving you can muster. Treat yourself the way you would a dear friend who came to you for help. Rest, eat well, take up your hobbies, read things that uplift your spirit and most of all, tell yourself the truth, that you are good enough to be loved, and you are always doing the best you can in any given moment, no matter what others think of you.
Peace
aartisans