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15 Years together and splitting everything up.. by Skinman
Last night I sat down with my stbxw and finalized our property settlement for our divorce. It was akward to say the least... here is a woman whom I have loved for over 15 years sitting next to me in complete silence... My best friend for all those years and we couldn't even talk with each other...
There were so many things I wanted to say to her but didn't I knew I couldn't keep my composure if I did.... So I sat there with my thoughts going through my head knowing that when we were done she would be going to see him....
It was hard enough sitting there wondering what was going through her head yet keeping my thoughts to positive things of better days ahead.... I guess in a sense I am glad that part is over.... She has moved on and seems so happy yet I struggle daily picking up the shattered pieces of what was my life.... My life now seems so empty.. void of real friends or excitement.... I am lonely when I dont have my daughter with me yet she reminds me so much of happier days in my life.... Its getting easier but the regrets that I carry make it difficult.... If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't be in this position I find myself in...... But what can I do but look forward to an uncertain future..
Will I be able to love again ? will the bitterness of being betrayed ever truly go away.... these are the thoughts that haunt me daily... keeping me awake at night wondering and playing over and over in my mind......... It has to get better...because it cant get any worse........
comments
It does, it can....
i went thru a divorce. It was a horrible one. I was bitter. He was bitter. He still is, I outgrew it. BUT... I had vowed not to ever remarry again. Later I broke that vow... 9 years later, I fell in love with the love of my life! Never thought that that would happen... tried not to let it either!!!
For some reason... I couldnt help but fall in love with him. I justify by saying it was meant to be.
I fell in love and there was no bitterness. A short time later, he died. Ive wanted another relationship similar to what I had. I wonder if I can have 2 such loves now. Thought I was onto one recently however, testing it at this time.
Divorce takes time to get over. Give yourself 2 years to heal. Many make the mistake of getting into another too soon. My experience from dating all those years was that anyone who was divorced less than 2 years was most likely still carrying baggage of the divorce.
work on yourself, allow time for healing, then move forward.
YES... you can fall in love again,
Yes, this pain will let up
Yes, you can get thru this and not end up bitter. You can get over bitter, if it shows up.
Hind sight is 20/20... use the lessons you learned and build a new future.
"Hope is in those things yet unseen".
Hang in there!
I just want to cheer you up
yet I don't know what to say. I feel for you. My husband and I have been together for almost 30 years and I cannot imagine having to go through what you are going through. Thank you for being willing to share. kmcm has good advise. I will be your cheer leader encouraging you on to finishing tools and working toward a better future.
Hugs,Susan
thanks
Thank you both for taking the time to read my story... I know there will be better days ahead and eventually the pain I feel will be gone...
Along with the pain will be the dreams and plans for our future that meant so much to me and her at one time...
Along with the pain will go my desire to talk with her... to see her and hold her tight against me... All of the things that at one time were special to me will be gone.... Along with the pain.........
Someone I had spoken with everyday for close to 16 years has no use for my words... or to hear my voice..... That along with the betrayel hurt the most... But one day it will all be gone..........
I can't believe this ......
Hey skinman.... I was reading your blog... and my jaw dropped.... that is almost the same exact situation I'm in right now... I am not alone... wow, and hey we like the exzct kind of music.... crazy huh... man I feel the same exact pain, in the same situation...wow... one thing I can say...is that tools has helped me tremendously.... along with a book I'm into right now called "mind over mood" I encourage you to continue with tools daily... it will get better my friend