So today is a new day. That sounds so lame, but whatever. 

Today I don't have to go to work. So I can just curl up at home and do things that I haven't done for a long time.

For instance, I'm going to make pretty christmas cards for all my family. I will enjoy that because I can paint them with water colours, which I'm good at. :)

Also I will make a special holiday bread called lussekatter, some people called it lucia bread, for the saint lucia. Its made from saffron and cardamom. Its super yummy and i haven't made it since i lived at home with my parents. 

 I'm also going to wrap presents, which I really enjoy because i'm really good at tying fancy bows and my folds are very crisp. 

All these things don't seem like a great big deal, but I haven't done things that I like in a while. I don't exactly know why, I just can't be bothered. even if its something i really really want to do.

I know that if I make that card, or paint that picture, or set up my sewing machine i'll feel good about myself because I really like to create. But for some reason I just can't. 

I'm not exactly sure what i'm trying to say. I mean, I know what I mean, but I can't verbalize it. or in this case textuelize it. 

I think what I mean is that when you feel bad about yourself, and you feel sad all the time, it becomes overwhelming. And then you feel like you have no time for the things you love and enjoy because all your time has been taken up with sadness. 

But you know what? Not today!

 

(by the way, i did clap my hands this morning. and it felt silly, and i laughed.)