last night I realized I need accountability
Fri, Oct 22 01:56 PM
I have enough friends, I have family who calls to check and overall I do okay. But every once in a while, I drive up to the casino by myself and gamble the evening away. I don't have the money to usually and though my visits are infrequent, I am finding they are consistent. Every few months I'll have a relapse and I'll go. Average spending is a couple hundred dollars. Sometimes I'll double or even triple my money, pocket it and leave. But sometimes I just lose. Last night I could have walked out 60 dollars ahead, but I didn't. I continued to play and ended up walking out 240 dollars poorer than when I walked in (not including 20 miles each way in gasoline!). It's time for this to stop. Whenever I catch a financial break, I mess it up by going up to play. No one knows about this but me. I'm 25 and I'm horrible at keeping secrets but this is one I keep fiercely to myself for obvious reasons. My best friend has loaned me money on occasion to catch up on bills but she doesn't know why I'm behind on bills. She's rich and it doesn't really affect her so she is always asking if I need help. This shouldn't be the case though. I have a decent job, make decent money and I shouldn't be putting myself in these jams. So this is my confessional! I'm hoping if I have some kind of confessional I will stop. In other areas of my life, when I have brought something into the light, it has helped me to cease the behavior. This is one thing I am not comfortable sharing with my peers. So I appreciate any encouragement or help. Thanks!