I'm amazed at the changes that have taken place so far. Things I would have never expected. Problems turn up in unexpected places that are just shocking. I feel like someone has turned a light on for me.
For instance, I used to think my marriage and kids were stressors. Now I realize that they are my biggest blessings. But sadly, I've realized that my mother is a problem for me. She is a very negative person. If ever I start to feel good about life in general, she's right there to pull the rug out from under my feet. She's kind of a misery loves company kinda person. Extremely negative, seems like she's been doing this all my life and I was just so used to it, I never could see it. One of the phrases she loves is "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard" So you know what was running through my mind alot. And she was always right there to point out how imperfect my family was. Anyway at this point I will be having very limited contact with my mother.
Another breakthrough that I'm excited about yet very scared about is I realized that I have been lying to myself about my job. I get paid pretty well, so I would just tell myself my job is OK. Well it's not, it makes me miserable. So I've been thinking about what the parameters of an ideal job would be. I need to make decent money and I want a stay at home job (I'm a homebody). While these thoughts kept running through my mind and I usually have about a dozen money making ideas running through my mind which I reject for one reason or another. I realized I want to write books. I have wanted to write books since I got out of high school, but somehow that just seemed like a fantasy, and I had to live in the real world. So I guess I just buried that idea in the back of my brain.
I am scared, that I won't make it (rejection), or that the process of getting my foot in the door will be so difficult that I will give up to soon. Seems that writing a book might be the easy part, I have no clue as of yet how to go about even trying to get a book published. So I have alot of learning to do.
One more piece of exciting news, I never shared with my husband this new piece of information about what I want to do with my life, but he just read over my shoulder that I wanted to write, and he says go for it. Is he awesome or what!
