Day 7- Too Little, Too Late? NO!!! : - )

I'll be 40 this Christmas and I feel like a BRAND new girl JUST really Starting her LIFE!

I feel I only began to REALLY WAKE UP about 6 years ago and really started to make MAJOR changes in my thinking and entire life in dramatic ways about 5 years ago and as cautious as I felt all my life about so many things, I am STILL SO COMPELLED and feel PULLED forward like a magnet dragging me almost against my conscious, critical mind at times towards my purpose, my passions, my AUTHENTIC SELF AND LIFE!

I am almost always late to appts etc which I say I HATE but coach had a good point in that if something were REALLY important like not missing a plane I had saved a lot of money for a long time to go somewhere really special most likely I WOULD be on time. He is right. (Probably the first clue in that I shouldn't have married the first time I did when I showed up a good half hour late to my own wedding. haha live and learn hey?)

In many ways I have felt LATE for my own LIFE to really start. I spent countless hours sitting on the couch in the past, staring at a blank wall all day, with a feeling of unexplicable anticipation and impatience like I was waiting for something.. I didn't even  know what... but I had a feeling I would recognize it when it happened or got there. It took until I was about 33 for that to happen. You know what it was? ME! I got tired of feeling like an empty shell only going through the motions of life and was tired of acting how I thought I SHOULD to please others at MY expense.

Then I wasted some time feeling guilty for all I COULD have been doing if ONLY I knew before what I was learning then... but a wise lady I look up to said... "We do as well as we know how with what we KNOW at the TIME... and when we know better, we DO better. No one can do BETTER than their own personal best at that given time." Also my oldest son pointed out to me that I did A LOT more than I was giving myself credit for during those years. I was always there for others who needed me... Always the one everyone and their brother turns to for compassion or encouragement, inspiration, etc... and I was raising and homeschooling 4 special needs children with all my heart, mind and soul with the attitude that no matter what great accomplishments I may do in my life NOTHING will ever be as important as giving the world 4 EXCEPTIONAL people raised to be candles in the dark to others in their own special ways knowing they would pass that on in raising their own kids someday and so on and so forth. What a wise son I have.. .bless his heart.

So while I WAS putting off my OTHER dreams, goals, passions etc... I WAS living a life that makes a positive difference to others and the world even before I was fully awake and conscious of my life choices and felt empowered  and that is the main important thing to me. 

SO IT ISN"T TOO LITTLE even thus far even though I am just taking my first baby steps  like a toddler now at nearly 40 to begin the next growth spurts towards my OTHER callings in life I feel so strongly about.

It is also NEVER TOO LATE..... as long as I am still breathing... it is NEVER too late to START anything.... and day by day of my life and working in toolbox each time I log in I FEEL changes like I did when I woke up 6 years ago....  this time... it is the gradual excitement, hope and adventure slowly taking over my hesitation, anxiety, fear and self consciousness.

I THOUGHT for years I was LATE for a VERY IMPORTANT DATE.... but it looks like I am RIGHT ON time at the right time for ME.... to start squeezing  every ounce of life and to start celebrating ME and my contributions TO LIFE.... I think  it's going to be QUITE a PARTY!

PS I started by doing my first shopping assignment and pampering myself with lovely minty breath and teeth whitening and luscious scented showergel and my favorite body spray and 3 VERY SPECIAL notebooks just for me too. Some little presents to REALLY get this party started! 

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Tags: life, time, age, late, celebrate, pampering, procrastination, changes