Here is PICTURE PROOF literally of "me" taking Action despite MAJOR Anxiety yesterday! To some it may JUST look like a pic of me & 4 of my kids & my husband...but it is MUCH MORE!!!!
1. My level of self consciousness due to my dissatisfaction with my own appearance often ends up with me in anxiety attacks/tears and avoiding going out in public even though I LOVE LOVE LOVE people. It feels PAINFUL emotionally for me to be in public & I find it difficult being my otherwise normal, bubbly, outgoing, reaching out and focusing on OTHERS AUTHENTIC SELF because I get caught up in my own emotions of embarrassment and self judgment, worrying what people THINK of me because I am SO FAR AWAY from what too many people KNOW is my best self that I USE TO BE. sighhh,.
2. IF and WHEN I am able to FORCE myself to go to a social gathering or event and "put on a happy face" and pretend I feel OK and Doesn't bother me like a NORMAL person...
I avoid cameras like shooting my pic would be equal to shooting me with a gun. I stay BEHIND the camera taking pics all the time to be sure no one can get any of ME. If someone does... I get very anxious and if I can get ahold of the pic later... usually destroy it.
I TOLD YOU I AM HERE BECAUSE I REALLY REALLY NEED IT!
OK... so the reason THIS PIC of me and my family (minus my oldest son & cat) is SUCH a big deal is because yesterday...
I:
1. VOLUNTARILY attended a birthday party I was invited to at the last minute, and LET people take pics of me there too. I worked HARD on NOT thinking about how "I" felt and focused on OTHERS like I always do when I don't have to feel self conscious like online or when I USE TO LOOK ok to my standards for my own self. It has taken me TWO MONTHS of tools to life along with a few lessons of Midwest Center for Anxiety and Depression AND my own self hypnosis to get to this point.
2. I VOLUNTARILY attended a graduation Open House where I KNEW there would be a LOT of people who know me and hardly ever see me for long periods of time and worse yet... KNEW ME "WHEN". I handled it the same way as the earlier party that day and LET PEOPLE TAKE pics of me AGAIN... I DID hide a LITTLE BIT behind my beautiful kids and soaking up support and strength from my unconditionally accepting loving husband but I DID IT! I EVEN SMILED THROUGH IT!!!!
I could have EASILY gotten away without going to either social event yesterday without anyone getting upset with me... as they were not as obligatory as SOME occasions... so I KNEW this would be a major breakthrough for me if I could gather the courage to step out of my comfort zone surrounded by those who love me no matter what just as I am.... and DO IT ANYWAY by CHOICE.
Another overwhelming scary situation like that is coming up for me next week too and my stomach is already in knots and I am not 100% sure even now if I have enough of what it takes for me to attend THAT ONE quite yet... but it is even progress for ME to be working on figuring out a way to talk MYSELF into it instead of thinking up ways to excuse myself from attending without offending anyone else.
This is the BIGGEST MILESTONE I have made in literal ACTION since starting tools for me and in a long time in general.
I was soooo proud of myself!!!!
My family was proud of me too because THEY KNOW how hard that was for me.
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Tags: Anxiety, agoraphobia, fear, avoidance, courage, step out of the box, Self Talk, Milestone, Support, action, self consciousness, Perfectionism
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Whooo hoooo!
Yay for you! Yippee!!!! I'm so excited for you.
Keep up the GREAT work!! You are SO beautiful inside and OUT. Look at your beautiful family. They are a product of your beauty.
Thank you for sharing from your heart!
This is the FIRST milestone of many ...
What a wonderful, wonderful blog!
You have EVERY right to be proud of yourself, your family AND your proof positive picture!!!
To some it might seem nothing but we all have "things" we can face with ease and others which we find daunting. You have obviously climbed and conquered an absolute mountain ... now keep on climbing the next peak ...
Imagine untying those knots in your stomach ... just a few every day ... and by next week you'll have a neat pile of balls of unknotted string or whatever they're made of ...!!!
I truly hope that next week's scary situation will be completely UNDERwhelming when it comes around and you can get through it just the way you've succeeded this week .. go for it with your head held high and full confidence ...
Go, gal, go ...!!!
A great example for your kids.
What a great story! Thanks so much for sharing!
I share the same fears as you, and have been working to alleviate them.
I laughed out loud at the shooting picture pf you = shooting a gun at you. I so understand.
If this helps, I have two things to say:
First one you have likely heard... FEAR is False Emotions Appearing Real. That is so true for me. Most of my fears are not real.
Second. You cannot underestimate how powerful that picture and your actions those two events are to your children. I modelled my fear of public outings and of photographs from my mother. You just showed your kids you can overcome that what you fear. I just love the smiles!
Power to you!
ANGEL FACEEEEEEEE !!!
I just LOVE you for sooooooo many reasons!! I found this one really touching my heart. I used to be quite athletic and in great shape, and I've gained a tremendous amount of weight and know I look far worse from it all on a physical level. Despite all that, I've always been able to get out there and enjoy life and not have it stop me. However, I do not like having pictures taken of me at all
So I do know that it's NOT EASY!!
You are one gorgeous lady! Both inside and out...and all I know are these pictures I've seen. Your SMILE is SO SWEET and TOUCHES my HEART....so I can't imagine there not being a symmetry PIC.
I lost my son at 21...and I can't begin to tell you how PRECIOUS every one of those pictures are that I have of him!
So something that is near and dear to me...is remembering the VALUE of those treasured moments we share with those we LOVE. Pictures have a way of giving us that LOVE again and again.
I'm truly grateful that you are my buddy in TOOLS...and grateful that you are working hard. You are AWESOME.
It's such a beautiful picture....your whole family is gorgeous!
I'm very PROUD of YOU!!!
When I see you... it is a picture of my ANGEL face...cuz you continue to be that in my life!!
Thanks sooooooooo much for sharing!!! Much LOVE and HUGS your way......
Carolyn
Sweet Symmetry
Wrote a long comment and lost it going back to look at your 3 exquisite daughters one more time....how I would love to have them in my life for even one day! You are blessed and you are beautiful. I get it. I understand the courage you are talking about and the reluctance to be in the picture but applaud you for resisting the urge to disappear. You must be present and part of this amazing family every minute of every single day. You are enough! We always feel like we could be "more" but you are "enough". Trust that and keep working at getting your sweet self into the traffic of your life. Hiding from the camera or people is only one step from not wanting to be here at all and that is a dangerous place to be. I can remember waking up and crying because I woke up....no more! Now I embrace each day and throw myself enthusiastically into the fray. That's the reason I post pictures of me so often with my blogs....I am getting used to the reality - even the one of me in a bathing suit! We are what we are...we can lose weight, gain, get old, lose our hair, it doesn't really matter. You are a beautiful woman inside and out.
I think...
you look beautiful in your picture. Good for you for overcoming your fears.
You Know...
You know you look good..pretty.. and inside well you know the answer to that..(BEAUTIFUL) i put it in just in case..
I am so happy and proud that you overcame
your fears.. I know how you feel I feel the same way...
you know I think there are angels watching over you... may god be watching over you...Barbie
i relate.
wow. you are so beautiful!
i can relate about the camera phobia. i think i tae horrible pictures, even though i love taking them--did that make sense?
*shrugs*
so on tuesday night, while we were practicing kata on deck someone was taking pictures!!! *o* I was trying to keep my composure about me as the camera kept clicking.
i knwo they have to put out new pictures of the new school, but why me???
*hus*
jane