Day One

I've never really been into blogs, but since im supposed to be making changes, i figured i would give it a shot.  Over the past few months i had been working with my phsycologist to create a better self image, believe in myself more, and deal with emotions in a more healthy manner. Yesterday though, it felt as iff all the progress almost got swept away... I have been single for nearly 10 months now and recently got in contact with a girl whom i grew close with during the summer. We got into a fight towards the end of it and drifted apart. About a week ago, we ran into each other and both apologized. We started being really playfully with each other and eventually ended up making out for about 30 mins. Also, we exchanged the fact we have feelings for each other.

HERE is the problem....

Past relationships have shown me these type of actions/words can just be a front. So, i sat here yesterday freaking out thinking this girl is lieing to me, she isnt really into me. I was letting girls who have hurt me in the past, dictate the present, and my self perception.

I confronted the girl asking if she would like to hang out and she said sure. I asked when, and she said she works everyday this week. I told her that i am off everyday this week so that works out great. I told her i would like to take her out for food and i would pick her up after work. She agreed, but said she will have to check her work sched. Yet again, i find myself doubting that she will get back to me with a date...

Yesterday these thoughts of her lieing to me kept running through my head. The thoughts come most frequently when my mind is unoccupied and i have nothing better to think about. Today im going to just try and focus on myself.

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Tags: Relationship, Trust, Anxiety