I did it!! I made amends with my attorney. I took responsibility for actions, I apologized for my outrageous behavior and asked my attorney if we could move on and win this case together. He returned my call late last night and we had a good conversation. He said he was "estatic" to receive my message and we are good to go. Now, it's time to visualize a "win" and get a good verdict. I did let him know that I no longer want to hear about other cases that went bad. I'm in this to win it and we need to be positive going forward. The more he tried to prepare me for the worst, the more fearful I became. I express fear as anger. Not good. I've decided not to fear what has not happened yet. I'm going to go to trial and win because I deserve to win. My life has been totally disrailed by two unfortunate incidents and now it is time for that to be amended. The past five years have been extremely difficult, but I need to move on and put all of this behind me. I'm ready to win at trial, pay off my school bills, pay off my credit cards and breathe. I did not do this alone. I got amazing advice from my Tooler friends (you know who you are) and thank you all for not letting me beat myself up too badly. Once again, Tools is ironic. I also spent 3 hours on the phone with my sister (she lives in Maryland) who loves me despite myself. She knows me better than anyone because we have the same defense mechanisms. She knows how wonderful I am but she also knows the damage I can cause. She provides me with unconditional support, love and advice. I am truly blessed that she is in my life. She helped me believe that I could fix the bad situation I created with my attorney. I had planned on sending her a card thanking her for her help -- today that is my Tools task. Hmmm. . . Crazy cool; isn't it!!
good for you...you apologized for your actions, and explained yourself! you are staying true to yourelf and that is all that matters. I admire your positive attitude! I am the same way, I express my emotions, fear, sadness etc....in anger. It might not be right, buts its the way we function so we don't seem so valnerable i think. we are strong...we just have to remember that, even when it seems impossible... good luck with your battles...sounds like you'll so great!