I have not always been the best at reading due to learning challenges but when it was something I can read at my own pace and my own time you couldn't get me to put the books down.

Don't let my excitement from this day let anyone forget there was still days that lead up to this one. Some days were very easy and successful and happy, others I would wake up and just feel so sad or hurt or distance from myself. I have been able to over come these feelings and not knowings but not very easy.

I also know that in each day there will be up's and down's its just finding the opportunity in the harder times.

I really hope you are all doing well and seeing great things coming out of your tools I will you the best of the greatness in the world and keep looking up!

Instead of paying attention to my boyfriend I had started to pay attention to a situation I was not nor needed to be involved in. I was wrong for even looking into anything/anyone but myself and my relationship. My boyfriend was a little hurt of this as well as I was within myself.

We had started to get ready to leave and my boyfriend and myself had been starting to due better already! Well it didn't end there. Our friends had started joking around with one another and I had not payed attention to my own inner voice and didn't know how I was sounding and ended up with a very very bad attitude problem. This had up set everyone that we were riding with including the soon to be groom. I had said some awful things and really hurt mostly my loving caring and best thing that ever happened to me...my boyfriend.

Because of my actions that I don't like about myself that I actually hate about myself I almost lost the most important person that I have in my life. I am so thankful that he is who he is and cares as much as he does for not leaving me but allowing me to prove to him as well as myself that I can be and I am the women who I want to be now not who I was then.

From this situation I am still very very hurt and disappointed only in myself and I will slowly recover but for now am still disgusted and mortified with what I did and who I was!

I had awoke to a phone call from my amazing boyfriend which made me smile. After the phone call I had gotten some energy back and couldn't wait for him to get home from work now in about 20 minutes or so. At this time I knew there was still a large load of clothes in the drier and went to go get them as I waited.

When my boyfriend arrived home I had a huge smile on my face and gave him an even bigger smile and a great big kiss (all while holding the last set of clothes in my arms) I noticed that his mood was a little less up beat then my own which is also normal for this day and the amount of work he puts in each day.

Instead of staying up beat and helping to bring him to my level of excitement like he had wanted I allowed myself to come right down and start to feel a little negative about life in general!

In the past when this has happened I was unable to get myself back up and be happy for a long time and then I would "beat" myself up for the rest of the day for allowing that type of behavior. I told myself today is no longer a day I'm staying in this feeling. I had expressed to my boyfriend that I was feeling down and excused myself from the room. Went to the bathroom and splashed my face with water asked myself how I was doing and told myself NO My attitude is my decision and I decide to have a great one because I am having a great day as I made sure to smile from ear to ear. As I walked toward the door I already felt my spirits coming back up and my mood beginning to brighten!

I have over come the first step which is starting and becoming a member and now using these tools as a huge part of my every day life. I know that with each day there will be more success but with success sometimes may come harder times, I myself found this out today...

I currently do not speak to most of the members of my family. About a year ago I had come to the unfortunate truth that they didn't care about me and where not there to support me unless it had benefited them in large ways. We have had many fights and major miscommunication over the past few months about the positive changes I had already started making to better my daily quality of life even though I have made some bad ones as well which I have taken responsibility for... but any who, today my twin sister called me in dismay over a family matter, nothing that any of these members were hurt or dead over just an outcome of many bad choices she had made in her life.

Many times throughout our life she had used me as a crutch to the point I had started to unravel to a person I didn't even know and couldn't even see it.

Today I was able to talk to her without yelling or having resentment toward her and our past and calmly tell her that I have not been around this particular situation and I didn't feel that it was OK for me to intervene in anyway but told her to stay positive not to say "I will TRY" but I WILL and I CAN and I AM positive" and start to make better changes within her life and to keep on with living!" 

After the conversation with her she had stopped crying and talking and you can hear in her voice there was a smile. Why, you may ask could someone smile after you tell them you can't help them and they had made these mistakes in their life....Because I was able to use my tools to keep myself strong and not use negative way to speak to her but with positive statements and a calming voice letting her know she was the only person that can decide to make these changes!

I thank you all for reading and hope this inspires all of you the way that I had inspired myself and being proud of myself for the strength that I have already built that I never knew I could have. I also thank my amazingly Fantastic boyfriend for being the start of my positive changes and for his never ending support in my choices... I LOVE YOU :)

Even though I have been working through the tools with much success, there are still some moments where I struggle.

Today I found an excuse to sleep an extra 15 minutes just because I "didn't want to be in my roommates way" knowing that one I don't get in the way and two I was just not ready to face the world. Thankfully I do have an amazing mentor and love of my life who came in to see if I was OK. He helped me bring myself back to a positive state and helped me motivate myself to kick ass again today!

As for today's lesson in making yourself feel good I am really going to enjoy and learn that it is OK to pamper yourself with the small things in life and not allow myself to feel that I didn't deserve these things or it is a waste of time and money. We all deserve to be happy and have something little to know we did for ourselves each day.

So go out and enjoy the day as well as yourself and I will blog again soon! :)

Having such an opportunity in life as this to change myself into the person I deserve to be is incredible! I am not just excited for myself but all the others who have also decided to take this amazing journey as well. I wish you all the best of fun and happiness, even though you will no longer needed it with the tools you have already started to build.

I have not just bettered myself but also my relationship with my amazing boyfriend! I have learned to trust more and to be more positive towards myself as well as him. (Not that I was negative about my boyfriend or our relationship but, negative about myself.) Having self confidence is an amazing gift that we all acquire it's all in how we use it and most of all in finding it within ourselves each day as we wake up.

I am powerful, I am smart, I am hard working, I am successful, I am ME and proud to be!!!

Having such an opportunity in life as this to change myself into the person I deserve to be is incredible! I am not just excited for myself but all the others who have also decided to take this amazing journey as well. I wish you all the best of fun and happiness, even though you will no longer needed it with the tools you have already started to build.

I have not just bettered myself but also my relationship with my amazing boyfriend! I have learned to trust more and to be more positive towards myself as well as him. (Not that I was negative about my boyfriend or our relationship but, negative about myself.) Having self confidence is an amazing gift that we all acquire it's all in how we use it and most of all in finding it within ourselves each day as we wake up.

I am powerful, I am smart, I am hard working, I am successful, I am ME and proud to be!!!

It's so wonderful not just to think but to feel and to know that my biggest inspiration in life is myself first of all. You have the choice to be happy and claim day in and day out and I deserve to take them, so I AM and I always WILL, and all of you should do the same~

Take pride in who you are each day as it comes and be excited to know you have more great opportunities each day you have another chance to live it!

Stay happy and live strong!

Today is my first day of Tools and I am very excited. Excited to have this moment and every other that will fallow no matter it be with tools or outside of tools and where the tools will help me to be in the future!

I thank my bestfriend my hero my boyfriend and most importantly the brightest part of my life, for introducing me to so many postitive and beautiful things and wanting to include me within this fun filled enjoyment of life.

I know I will be writing again soon and I look very forward to it!

Thanks for reading NVF!!!!