Well, it's now afternoon and the daily inevitable crash is upon me. And it's not about self pity, or really about anything.
It's like I can guaranty that I can only get just a few hours a day of positive energy from I assume the antidepressants and then the crash comes. Lately harder and harder each day.
And I am at a time when, I can't afford to just get by on baby steps.
I can not seem to make any progress towards living life and am so mired in just barely existing.
And to some that may sound like a rationalization, yet I know that most people don't really know what I mean, or what my existance is like.
So here's the ugly truth that I am still unable to change: I haven't had a bath in months, nor even washed my hair in the last three weeks. I did brush my teeth yesterday, and brushed my hair today. I haven't taken out the trash in a few weeks or maybe a month, I'm not sure but I lose track. So the kitchen floor is littered with about a dozen empty, coke twelve pack cartons, the kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes and empty coke cans. The counters are also completely covered in empty coke cans. Every trash bin is overflowing and there is trash all over the floor. Dust is a good 1/4 thick on everything and there a cobwebs hanging everywhere.
I'm still living in the barn apt. but I keep the doors open to the barn to get enough heat because the heat isn't working right. The dogs have been using the barn aisle to go to the bathroom and I just walk past the poop every day.
Mentally I am so disgusted with the situation knowing full well, that if the board of health were to come by they would condem the place.
And that if any social wellfare organization were to come by they would probably have me committed because the severity of this major depression is so evident.
And I tell, my self you can do it, it's not even hard work to pick up the trash. Yet everytime I start. I hit the same brick wall.
God help me!
comments
Get it in gear
You've identified the problems, now start on the solutions. Take each item one at a time (I'd start with the dog poo and trash) and motivate yourself to stay busy. By staying busy, your mind will be occupied and it will be easier to stay out of a depression.
Antidepressants are useful but they aren't a cure-all. You take them to cope with your situation, but as long as your still living in such a bad situation, your antidepressants can only go so far. Use the antidepressants to keep your mind at ease, and while you are feeling the 'positive energy', that is the time to hit the chore list hard. As you start to fix your house up and make it more liveable, you will start to feel better even after the meds wear off.
One last note: switch to Diet Coke or black coffee. The amount of sugar in a Coke can is enormous, and does some very messed up things to your moods, especially if you are drinking multiple cans per day.